What To Do With Time

This photo was taken during one of the happiest, calmest incidences of isolation I’ve ever experienced (deep within the mountains of Scotland).
This poem was written during one of the toughest, anxiety-fuelled incidences of isolation I’ve ever experienced (2020).

I suppose that’s all you need to know.

---

Time is a burden of consciousness 
And I wish I was a fool
Dancing in the daffodils,
Joyous as the sparkling river.

And like the river, the clouds above
Pass through the sky, a paradox:
Always in one spot, yet always moving.
But they are not the loneliest creatures.

They do not know that the rivers will freeze over,
That the daffodils will die,
That the world will turn to white again—
White, and endless night.

They will never know that 
Another season has passed beneath them;
They will only shed their skin and start anew
As if nothing even happened.

The foolish are never lonely.
The foolish never notice
That their only companion is the shadow they cast
And, eventually, the others that replace them.

Top 10 Reads of 2020

Ah yes, another year gone by, which means another list of my favourite reads from said year. I won’t hold you back from the good good with a fluffy, way-too-long intro about how I had a great reading year (which I did, I had very few bad reads last year). So without further ado, here are my top 10 reads of 2020 in no particular order: 

Chain of Gold by Cassandra Clare

I can’t help it—I’m a sucker for Shadowhunters. As long as Cassie continues to write these characters and this world, I will be first in line to devour it. And honestly, I hope she continues writing the Shadowhunter world forever. I will read these books until the day I die. Bet. 

Anyway, that’s a long winded way of saying the Shadowhunter books are amazing and Chain of Gold is no different. This book in particular was such an incredible first book in a trilogy that I know is going to break my heart and make me beg for more. I have so many questions, so many theories, and I am DYING to get my hands on the next instalment, Chain of Iron. 

All I can say without turning into a blithering baboon about this series is GIVE ME MORE LUCIE HERONDALE WITH AN AXE OR GIVE ME DEATH. Also: I WILL PROTECT MATTHEW FAIRCHILD WITH THE FORCES OF 1000 SUNS, SO HELP ME GOD.

Read my review of Chain of Gold here. 

Watch my review of Chain of Gold here.

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins

I was really prepared to hate this book. In all honesty (and this is embarrassing to admit considering how wildly impressive The Hunger Games trilogy is), I was prepared to have this book put a stain on my love for the original trilogy. I just thought that a story about President Snow was the last thing we needed, especially when the world has been practically begging for a story about the 50th Hunger Games and Haymitch for over a decade. I was just scared that Collins’ decision to write a companion so long after the completion of the original trilogy would end up being received like Lois Lowry’s Son (which does not compare to any of her other works).  

But I was a fool. Thankfully, this book turned out to be like Margaret Atwood’s The Testaments,  a beautiful addition to the original story that only broadens our understanding of the original text.

This book is a masterpiece. It’s absolutely genius. I couldn’t stop thinking about it for weeks. I couldn’t stop talking about it for weeks. I have two reviews on the first two parts of this novel up on YouTube, each of them over 40 minutes long. That’s how important I think this book is. (And yes, the third part will come eventually. Sorry. I am trash.)

If you love The Hunger Games, read this book. If you love critiquing capitalism and society at large, read this book. 

Read my review of The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes (Part One) here.

Read my review of The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes (Part Two) here.

Watch my review of The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes (Part One) here.

Watch my review of The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes (Part Two) here.

The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo 

This was the second Elizabeth Acevedo book I’ve ever read (the first being Clap When You Land, which is also phenomenal). I don’t often read stories written in verse, but when I do I tend to really enjoy them, especially if they are written with the level of talent that Acevedo has. 

God, does she have a way with words. Acevedo’s work demonstrates that she practically breathes in poetry. Her writing seems effortless, but it clearly shows her mastery of language, metaphor, and motif. She writes so powerfully and is able to reach right into your heart and tug on it, make you pay attention even if you didn’t want to (which wasn’t a problem for me, I definitely wanted to pay attention). Though her stories aren’t centered around my experiences as a person (there is very little that I relate to in these books, for example—which is fine because you don’t have to relate to a story to enjoy it; that would be ridiculous) I feel like I can see it and feel it before me. It’s the empathetic power that her words bring. It’s stunning. I adore everything I’ve read from her yet and I can’t wait to read more.

Howl’s Moving Castle by Diana Wynne Jones

There’s something about dark-haired Welshmen that gets me going. Apparently, I am just destined to fall in love with every single dark-haired Welshman fictional character I encounter. I can’t help it. I really can’t. 

This was such a wonderful novel. I think if I read it when I was younger, I would have loved it even more, too. It’s so magical, so creative, so mysterious, I was simply enthralled the entire way through. And the character dynamics! Ugh, stunning. The end was a little rushed and felt a bit like a “too-good-to-be-true” situation, but this is easily overlooked considering how incredible the rest of the book is.

And if you haven’t watched the movie yet, you’re nuts. Go watch it. It’s also incredible. 

The Six of Crows Duology by Leigh Bardugo (Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom)

Oh, these books broke me. Plain and simple: these books ripped apart my soul and I still—even 2 months since finishing—have not been able to sew it back together. No. I don’t think you guys understand, okay: I haven’t felt this way about a Young Adult book series since I read The Infernal Devices back in high school. THOSE ARE BIG WORDS, A BIG CLAIM, COMING FROM ME. 

Now, while these books do not dethrone The Infernal Devices from their mighty position as my favourite YA series of all time (no series will ever be able to do that because they will never have Will Herondale in them), they damn near come close. They’re tied for second place, that’s all I can say. 

Listen, read these books. They’re too good to not be read by every person on this planet. Like… “I will have you without armour, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all.” I. DIE. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. 

Ru by Kim Thúy

I picked this book up from a thrift store earlier this year because I’m a vain piece of shit: the title of this book is my nickname, which I discovered upon reading the blurb in the jacket fold means “lullaby”, which is umm…pretty much the sweetest thing ever. 

So I picked this up because my heart was full of cotton candy and cuteness and then it was immediately shattered because this story is heartbreakingly beautiful. This book is such a wonderful exploration of life, wonder, sorrow, horror, brutality, and sexuality. It is so fluid, like a river (which is what Ru means in French) and it is so powerful though it is also gentle and fragile.

It even reminds me of On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong a bit because one of the main themes is being the child of an immigrant, because it is written like fucking poetry, and because it is semi-autobiographical fiction (in which, the respective stories are not exactly the authors’ stories, but the events and/themes explored line up pretty well). That’s huge for me because OEWBG is my favourite book of all time. Read this. It’s a very fast read and it is simply gorgeous. 

Take a Hint, Dani Brown (The Brown Sisters) by Talia Hibbert 

Wow. This book absolutely blew me away. I am so very grateful that my Bookworm Magic group decided to buddy read this together because I don’t think I would have picked this up and have been introduced to the beauty and perfection that is Talia Hibbert if we hadn’t. This book made me fall in love with the romance genre (they are fun books and they’re so sweet and, if they’re anything like Hibbert’s books, they can be intensely emotionally charged and carry heavy meaning). 

Dani Brown as a character is my queen. Her determination, intelligence, and unfuckwithable-ness is everything. I’m not sure if I want to be her or if I want to kiss her. Zafir Ansari is actual goals of a man and I’m certain that if he were real I would want to kiss him. I want to kiss him now and he’s still fictional. I love. I love, I love, I love. 

Also, can we say STEAAAAAMYYYY because this book is STEAAAAAMYYYY. Oof. 

Get a Life, Chloe Brown (The Brown Sisters) by Talia Hibbert

Immediately after reading Dani’s story, I jumped onto Chloe’s and I absolutely adored it. Such a lovely story with such a strong, powerful, intelligent, black female protagonist (Dani is also all of these things btw, if that wasn’t clear). I wish there were 700 Brown Sisters so I could read 700 stories about them all. But unfortunately there is only one more Brown sister, Eve, and her story comes out next year (March 9th, 2021). 

This book is fabulous. The romance genre cannot get better than Talia Hibbert’s books and I swear I will read everything that woman releases, no matter what. I am a stan for life. 

Also: STEAAAAAMYYYY galore.

Lord of Shadows by Cassandra Clare

This book is a masterpiece. A MASTERPIECE. It’s full of everything you want in a Young Adult novel. Adventure, action, pain, romance, hot faeries, pain, bad decision-making, morally grey characters, demons, pain, Julian Blackthorn (see: morally grey characters), and of course, more pain. 

Although the entire series is incredible (to be honest, the best written and developed of Cassie’s three Shadowhunter series so far), this is the best of the three. That’s amazing to say because it is not often that the second book in a series is regarded as the best in the series. Ugh. Read this book. Incredible. Do it for Cristina Rosales. 

I’ll Give You The Sun by Jandy Nelson

Genius. This book is entirely genius: poetic, poignant, a fucking masterpiece (I know I’ve used the word “masterpiece” to describe like every book on this list, but that’s because it’s true so deal with it). This was another book I couldn’t stop thinking about because it was so good. As I read it, I felt like the words were jumping off the page and taking form around me. The experience was visceral and riveting. This book felt like the inner workings of my brain spelt out on a page in black and white. And the story? A bit predictable in a few instances, but absolutely world-shattering. Beautiful. Everyone needs to read this book. Everyone. 

And that’s all, darlings. Those are my top 10 reads of 2020. 

After assessing this list, however, I’ve discovered I have some work to do to improve my reading selections. In 2021, I will read more diversely in terms of authors and will hopefully also read more by small authors and self published authors. I’m so excited. I’m so excited for it all.

Anyway, that’s all for me today. Let me know if you, my darlings, are interested in hearing about my Worst 10 Reads of 2020. The list is done, the reasonings are ready, I just don’t know if anyone is interested in what might be considered to some a “negative” perspective. 

Happy reading, everyone. Let me know what book you’re kicking off 2021 with in the comments!

What I'm Reading In September | Moody Weather Reads

September, September, September. Repeat it like a song in a dream. Voices, chants, carried through the wind, above the trees, and over the changing leaves. September. September. September.

It kinda makes you want to fall into a dreamless, endless sleep, doesn’t it? That chilling yet comforting quality of September? 

Yeah. Me too. Too bad I’ll be up all night reading the books I have on my September TBR instead. 

Now, let me introduce you to those books…

Siege and Storm by Leigh Bardugo

I am so sick of having this book on my TBR month after month after month. I am absolutely determined to have it read by the end of this month and I will do anything and everything to make that happen. Thankfully, to help me out in this endeavour, some lovely people added me into a bookstagram reading group and have divided out the book so that we can discuss it all. I’m very grateful to have been added to this group because, truthfully, I don’t think I would be very inclined to finish it otherwise. This series is just so...boring. I am not enjoying it at all. 

Rise and Ruin by Leigh Bardugo 

Well, I hope this book does ruin me. I hope it ruins me more than the first instalment did. All I ask is for a book to take me by the heartstrings and rip and tear me apart until I am nothing but a pile of filthy, useless innards. Is that too much to ask for? I doubt it though because this series lowkey kinda sucks. I hate to say it! Sorry! And the longer I have it on my TBR, the more vicious I become. Yikes. Sorry.

I got this copy at Value Village. It’s pretty loved. Has some water damage and ripping at the back. It’s pretty upsetting. A book this good shouldn’t be this damaged.

Get A Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert 

Spoiler alert: I finished this book today and it was absolutely wonderful. I can’t sing its praises enough. I absolutely adore Chloe and Redford and I love their love and their connection and their story and ugh. I just loved it all. And Talia Hibbert! Oh my god, what a woman. I am entirely obsessed with her and am determined to read every single thing she publishes forever. I did some research on her books and have discovered that she wrote a book with a main character named Ruth. My dear readers, Hibbert and I were destined to cross paths. We were meant to be together. I know it. Anyway, this was a fantastic book, an instant favourite, and so now is Talia Hibbert. 

Take A Hint, Dani Brown by Talia Hibbert 

Spoiler alert again: I also finished this book already. I guess that’s the problem with posting these TBRs a week into the month—it gives me too much time to finish the books I plan on reading. Anyway, this book was incredible too. At first I thought I loved it more than Chloe Brown, but now I can’t decide. I harbour an equal catatonic love for it (“don’t you mean catastrophic love for it, darling?”-- if you know, you know). Reading these books have been like walking out of the movie theatre and feeling like you need to adapt your entire personality into being like the characters; I want to be like Dani--strong and powerful and loving and intelligent and determined and red lipstick at 8am. I am just… I am just so in love. I hope Hibbert never stops writing ever ever ever ever ever ever ever because I will just lose my shit. 100% I am fucked up on Talia Hibbert. She is my Inez Holly. 

GUYS, I AM EMOTIONAL ABOUT THESE BOOKS OH MY GOD. 

Questions About Angels by Billy Collins

This is just a poetry book that I’d like to complete this month. A few months ago, somewhere near the beginning of lockdown, I was watching a Masterclass ad that advertised Billy Collins’ poetry class and I started outright sobbing because of this ad. Ever since, I’ve been aching to read some of his work and I picked up Questions About Angels and Horoscopes For The Dead (which I am obviously saving for my October spooky poetry read. And yes, that is purely because the title has the word “dead” in it, not because I think the collection will be scary. I wouldn’t’ve picked it up if I thought it was scary). 

Now that we are already 9 days into the month and I’m pretty sure I’m going to complete all of these books (I am going to have a lot more time on my hands for the foreseeable future), here are some other reads I think I might be able to squeeze into the month of September: 

• This Savage Song by V.E Schwab 

• Our Dark Duet by V.E Schwab 

• Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi 

• Why Not Me by Mindy Kaling

We’ll see. We’ll see, we’ll see, we’ll see. We’ll see how everything goes. Everything. 

Oh man. September really does turn me into a mess. I blame the weather. Volatile as fuck.

Darlings, if you’d like to see my September TBR Instagram reel, check it out by clicking here. And give me a follow. I’m hilarious.

What I'm Reading In August | Late Late Edition

Hey, everyone.

Sorry I haven’t been uploading recently. There are so many things firing off in my brain that I had a little, teeny weeny internal shut down. I have too many things in the works and so much stress associated with those things. Please forgive me. I hope to be back on track soon.

I know we are close to the end of the month, but I still want to throw a little August TBR up in case you were all curious about my reads. It will also help me keep track of things for myself. So, here is everything I told myself I was going to read in August:

Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi

I read this book back in university and I absolutely loved it. I love the medium of the autobiographical graphic novel, it is such an interesting way to tell a story. I’ll be reading this quickly again this month because I’d love a refresh on this story.

Umbrella Academy Gerard Way and illustrated by Gabriel Bá

My sister was gifted this comic series for her birthday a couple days ago so I’m totally going to take advantage of that and read them this month. I haven’t watched the Netflix series yet (yes, I am crazy and yes, I will get to it eventually) so I’m happy to go into these comics a bit blind. They sound very, very interesting.

Midnight Sun by Stephenie Meyer

I finished this last week—2 weeks ago? I’m not sure anymore—and overall, I enjoyed it. I have a couple critiques, of course, but I’ll explain all of those in a future full length review. I have a lot to say. In short, I’ll let you know this: The story is obviously familiar, but reading it from Edward’s perspective is so cool. He’s very, very intense and I really appreciate a lot about him (SPOILER ALERT: except for the whole bullshit stalking situation). The other really fun thing about reading from his perspective is getting to see just how much of a Gemini he really is (because as we all know, a Gemini’s truth lives in their minds). 

Have I mentioned it enough? Edward is a Gemini. In fact, we share the same birthday. EDWARD CULLEN AND I SHARE THE SAME BIRTHDAY. I know this means nothing, but HOLY HELL AM I EVER EXCITED ABOUT IT. 

Siege and Storm by Leigh Bardugo

Here’s the thing about the Grisha trilogy that is confusing me: I feel like the general story line is pretty boring and nothing about the text is particularly calling to me. I think Bardugo’s writing style in the prologue and epilogues (her third person stuff) is beautiful, stunning, amazing, but everything told from Aline’s perspective is pretty...bland. I mean, I gave the first book in the series (Shadow and Bone) a 3 out of 5 stars, which should illustrate my general feelings about the book. Knowing all of this, however, I am still intrigued with this story for one reason alone: the fanart. I see so many beautiful pieces of fanart for this series it’s getting kinda ridiculous. I’m always saving them all on my Instagram because I like to go back and admire their beauty, but I never know what’s going on. Something about the imagery of the bone collar and the keftas really call to me. So I will push through this series, I will find out what the heck is happening, and I hope to whatever divine thing there may be that I enjoy the rest of the series and it doesn’t end up being 600+ pages of wasted time. Because this series’ fan art has lended me to some information I do think I am supposed to know at this current time [SPOILER AHEAD]: a character with white hair is supposed to appear. My assumption is that this is indeed Aline, our main character, because the first book introduces the fact that she changes her physical appearance as she grows to accept and use her rare power and also because I feel like white hair is emblematic of her powers (sun summoning), but we’ll see, I suppose. We will see.  

Rise and Ruin by Leigh Bardugo

Seeing as I just ranted about the series that this book belongs to above, I’m going to skip the explanation here and just say: I’m trying to get through the Grisha series. I really hope I’m able to do it. See above. 

The Elite by Keira Kass

I already read this. It was horrible. It was so horrible. This series is the worst YA series I have ever read in my life. It’s painful just thinking about it.

The One by Keira Kass

I finished this book too. See above. This series is absolute hot water garbage. The worst thing I’ve ever forced myself to read in my entire life. The last installment in this book had only good thing about it, which I plan to explain in a full length review coming soon. Trust me, my review is going to be more worth the read than the actual series. Ew. Barf material.

Get A Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert

I found this at a thrift store at the beginning of the month and I was so excited about it because I’ve been hearing so many good things about this book on bookstagram. I’ve already started it (in preparation for a buddy read of the book that will be listed below) and I am thoroughly enjoying it. Hibbert is such a talented, funny, honest writer! And all of these little English quirks have been so cute! I love it!

Take A Hint, Dani Brown by Talia Hibbert

I am so very lucky to be a part of an absolutely wonderful bookstagram community. This community has lead to friendships amoung several other bookstagrammers and my first ever buddy read! Our group, Bookstagram Magic, will be reading this book and discussing it this Friday! I am, to put it lightly, beyond the MOON to have a group that I can talk to about anything book-related without feeling any shame or hesitation. I’ve never even been apart of a book club before so I am very excited to get onto this book and start making notes!

And that’s it! All the books I want to read! As we only have a week and a bit of the month left, I don’t think I’ll be able to finish all of these but I’m definitely going to try. We’ll see how it goes.

What’s on your TBR this month? Anything I need to add to my own TBR? Let me know in the comments! 

Happy reading, everyone!

These Dreams Ask Questions

Was it that I dreamed you there?
Were they your green eyes, your black hair? 
A crumb     hanging     on your lower lip?
Your fingers     hooked     around my hip?
Were we really just another pair?
Among lowers, loving blind and rare?

Or were you what I should’ve known:
The things I know better than to condone?
What broke a foolish, fickle heart?
What shot it through, and then, apart?
Who taught me to never be laid bare,
But to grow wings, an icy stare?

If you lie, you do it well
And though my subconscious cannot tell
Each crooked grin from wicked deed,
Each blooming daisy from rotted weed,
I have foiled your evil lover’s plot
Which, though eternal, is now forgot.

Mid Year Wrap Up | My 10 Favourite Books So Far!

Guys. I read so many fantastic books this year I hardly know where to start. But we will start because we have to.

Today we’ll be going through the 10 best books I’ve read this year. It actually pains me to limit this list to only 10, but I am doing it to save you all from my irrelevant ramblings (if you’ve been following my blog since the beginning—almost 3 years now—you might pick up on that reference). 

Maybe this will give you some inspiration as to what you’d like to pick up next! Let’s get started: 

(listed in order of reading) 

Night Sky With Exit Wounds by Ocean Vuong

I love poetry. I love love love poetry. Especially the kind that pains me and has me scanning the page two, three, four times after I’ve finished it. Ocean Vuong, anything by Vuong, makes me do exactly that. After reading On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous, I knew I had to pick up Night Sky With Exit Wounds immediately because I couldn’t get enough of his writing style. It’s easily the most beautiful writing I’ve ever read in my life.

I don’t know what else to say about this collection of poetry (without bursting into tears) other than please purchase it, read it, reflect on it, and let his words help you learn what you need to learn, feel what you need to feel and heal what you need to heal. Experience pain with him, love, family, war, confusion. It’ll do something to you. 

I’ll Give You The Sun by Jandy Nelson

Ugh. Another book in which the writing blew me away such that I ended up in space. I’m literally writing to you from Pluto. How do you do? 

Nelson is incredible. No wonder this book won so many awards: it’s a story about siblings (which, we all know I am a sucker for), it’s told in 2 perspectives and you never ever want the one you are currently reading to end (which, is a feat because as we all know, sometimes the whole perspective switch thing isn’t done very skillfully), and it ponders questions of sexuality, love, intimacy, relationships, consent, etc. etc. etc. so delicately and poetically without ever diminishing the question itself or leaving it unobserved. I mean...wow. 

This climbed straight up into my top favourite books of all time the second I finished it—it’s that good. If you love writing that pops out of the page, animates before your eyes, and grabs hold of you as if you were the characters in the book itself, pick up this book. If you’re into contemporary reads that will shatter your soul and leave you only half sewn up by the end of it, pick this up. You won’t regret it. 

Lady Midnight by Cassandra Clare (The Dark Artifices book 1)
Lord of Shadows by Cassandra Clare (The Dark Artifices book 2)
Queen of Air and Darkness by Cassandra Clare (The Dark Artifices book 3)  

I’m going to discuss these 3 books at the same time because they all belong to the same series. And I’ll start by saying this: I’m so dumb for thinking I was “done with Cassandra Clare novels”. Ha. As if. As if I won’t forever be a moody 15 year old deep down in some corner of my being. As if I will ever be “too old for this”. I’m a fool. I cannot and will not escape the world of the Shadowhunters. As long as Clare is writing these stories, I’m there reading them. They are just too good.  I am just far too emotionally invested at this point.

I’m so mad that I didn’t read this series earlier. I’m so mad I deprived myself for so long. I’m so mad that I wasted all my time doing other shit instead of theorizing what the heck was going to happen to these characters, how their stories were going to intercept, etc. etc. etc. That’s like 90% of the fun of being a part of this group of readers: theorizing, joking about the events of the story, unraveling meaning, critically engaging with the text etc. etc. etc.  

I loved this series. At first I thought I didn’t love it as much as The Mortal Instruments, but I think that opinion has changed. The characters we meet in The Dark Artifices, their stories, and the imprint they’ve left on me (notably: JULIAN BLACKTHORN) are significant. I would actually say that this series is my second favourite after The Infernal Devices. Nothing tops The Infernal Devices. Nothing. 

Are you like me and haven’t continued with The Shadowhunter Chronicles because you think you’ve “matured out of it”/they aren’t “real pieces of literature”? DON’T BE A FOOL. Love yourself. Read the books. Then come talk to me about how great of a character Julian Blackthorn is thank you very much. 

Read my Blog Review here!

Chain of Gold by Cassandra Clare (The Last Hours book 1)

I, along with the rest of the fans of The Shadowhunter Chronicles, have waited for this book for so damn long. When it was finally published in March, and when I finally received my copy in the mail, I was ecstatic. I couldn’t stop reading it until I finished. I couldn’t stop thinking about it for months. You can’t give me a story set a decade (and a bit) after The Infernal Devices and except me to have a normal human reaction. You can’t expect me to not spend a ridiculous amount of time on this story.

Of course, Clare never disappoints. She always gives us exactly what we never knew we needed. She’s insanely talented at making us feel so deeply for these characters even though they are so unlike human beings. People in real life do not emote like Shadowhunters do (a pity, truly) but Shadowhunter lives, so short and fleeting and passionate, oh man; I get sucked in every single time. 

Anyway, read the rest of the series (IN PUBLICATION ORDER—Google it) then read this book. Then read my review and watch my video and come theorize with me and talk to me about how much you love, adore, and cherish Matthew Fairchild because me too. Me too. 

Read my Blog Review here!

Watch my YouTube Review here! 

Again, But Better by Christine Riccio

I didn’t think I was going to love this book so much, but honestly, I really, really do. It had a particular, peculiar effect on me that I’ve never had with most other contemporary novels. I have, of course, been able to connect with other contemporary novels on a very deep level, but Again, But Better hit me somewhere entirely different. It was so relatable—like I was Shane and Shane was me—even though I’ve never been abroad for school, I’m not as clumsy as she is, I don’t have a terrible taste in music (that’s mean, Shane’s taste in music isn’t all bad…just mostly bad), and I’m not blond and I didn’t fall in love with the first male-presenting figure I spotted in University. Regardless, it felt real. I connected with this book on so many different levels. Was this the best written book I’ve ever read? No. Absolutely not. In fact, I think you can definitely tell that this is a debut novel. That being said, I was 100% invested, 100% interested, and 100% enthralled in this very unique story that had a twist that I absolutely 100% did not expect. 

Honestly, I’m really glad to support Christine Riccio. I’m so proud of where she’s come from, where she is now, and how unabashedly authentic she is. She’s an inspiration and a role model to me, for sure. I can’t wait to read her second book coming out next year. I won’t stupidly wait to read it a year after publication this time. This time, I’ll be preordering and supporting the heck out of an author that is like me, supports the things I support, and loves the things I love. 

Read my SPOILER-FREE blog review here!

Read my SPOILERY blog review here!

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins 

I can’t talk about this book anymore because I’m pretty sure my brain will start melting if I do. I clearly, obviously, loved this book considering the fact that I wrote and filmed a 3 part review (each) for this book. 

I think it is brilliant. I think it was subtle, I think it was manipulative, and I think this was exactly what I wanted from this book. Did I expect it? No. But I love it nonetheless. Honestly, the more I think about this book (which is very often), the more I love it. I am hesitant to say this, but I think it might be one of my favourites of the entire series. Yikes. Big words. Big claims. But I think it’s the truth. 

Suzanne Collins, ye who will never ever stumble across this puny little blog post: Please, please write another companion. Give me more. Please. 

Read Part 1 of my review here!

Watch Part 1 of my review here!

Read Part 2 of my review here!

Watch Part 2 of my review here!

Part 3 written and video review coming soon! I promise! I’m sorry! My brain just hurts from thinking about this too much!

Clap When You Land by Elizabeth Acevedo

If I ever read a book entirely composed of poetry, it would have been back in my late elementary/early high school days. To be honest, I was never a huge fan of the form. But then I started writing poetry and realized something very important: that that shit is hard. 

Clap When You Land is a story about sisterhood, non-sisterhood, distance, the unknown, trust, borders, and truth. It’s about the very different lived experience of people, even those who are connected in one way or another. It makes you think about all of this and certainly makes you (me) think about your (my) privilege in various applications of the word. 

Because this is written in verse, it is a fairly quick read (I read it in one sitting), however, I do encourage you to take your time with this if you plan on picking it up. Don’t just blast through it to get through your TBR count and hit your reading goal of the year. Pay attention to how Acevedo plays with language and pay attention to what she’s trying to tell you. 

Overall, this is such a unique, but very sad, concept for a story (especially considering why she wanted to write this story). And another great point: it’s another book that is still engaging and thought-provoking regardless of the perspective you are reading from. Yay! We stan successful perspective switches!

Call Me By Your Name by André Aciman

Oh my god, this was the most confusing thing I’ve read this year. In fact, I think it is the most confusing novel I’ve ever read in my life. Everything is just gibberish and confusion and masturbation and angst until finally you see the light within the last 100 pages of the book. Or at least, that’s what it was like for me. Suddenly, I just felt tidal wave after tidal wave of emotion, connecting me to Elio even though we have virtually nothing in common other than our innate humanness.

My general thoughts on this book include: Aciman is hell of a writer, I need to do more background reading about this book (why was it written like this and what the heck does everything mean, which leads me to my next point), and I am far too stupid to understand most of this (gimme a couple hundred years to brush up on my Italian and Latin and a half a century more to learn how to play the piano).

Read this. If you’ve got the guts and the humility to potentially discover that you too are another simple fool that doesn’t know a thing about anything. 

And that’s it for me. That’s all I’ve got for you guys. I can’t wait to discover what my favourite books of the second half of 2020 will be! Perhaps we’ll have a showdown of sorts somewhere closer to the end of the year. 

What have been your favourite reads of 2020 so far? Please let me know in the comments below!

Thanks for reading!

All my love, always,

Ru

What I'm Reading In July | All The Twilight Feels

The fact that it is July—and I’ll repeat this because I think it bears repeating: we are currently in the month of J U L Y—makes me want to shoot myself into space. Anyone trying to skip out on Earth for a little while and go ice skating on Saturn’s rings? Cause I’m there. Hit me up. We’ll ride at dawn. 

Anyway, you’re not here for my emotional spiel; you’re here for the books. And so, here’s what I’ll be reading in July (if all goes according to plan, which is a rare occurrence): 

Shadow and Bone by Leigh Bardugo 

I started reading this in June, but wasn’t able to finish it so it will be jumping into my July TBR. I absolutely loved, loved, loved the prologue because Bardugo’s writing was just beautiful and totally captivating in just the first paragraph alone. The more I read though, the more I find myself falling in and out of the story and not caring about the plot or characters. I find myself skipping paragraphs to get to the dialogue parts, which is something I never do or am even tempted to do. I’m sure it’ll get better, I just have to keep going. 

Siege and Storm by Leigh Bardugo 

This is the next book in the Grisha/Shadow and Bone series and since I’m planning on finishing the whole series this month, it has to be in this list. Nothing much else to say there because I have no idea what happens in this book! Next! 

Ruin and Rising by Leigh Bardugo 

This is the final book in the Grisha/Shadow and Bone series and since I’m planning on finishing the whole series this month, it has to be in this list. Nothing much else to say there because I have no idea what happens in this book! Next! 

Twilight by Stephanie Meyer

The moment I finish Shadow and Bone, I am reading Twilight. I’m definitely going to pick this up before continuing the rest of the series because I am just so excited about Midnight Sun that I just can’t stop thinking about Twilight (that is, of course, unless Shadow and Bone turns out to be one of those addictive reads that I simply must blast through the whole series without a break in between). Anyway, I am so excited to reread Twilight (and maybe the rest of the series later in the year) because I haven’t read it since the eighth grade. That’s like 10 or 11 years ago, which is nuts to think about. Since then, I went through waves of loving Twilight to hating it, loving it ironically, and now loving it unironically again. No one is more surprised about that fact than I am, let me tell you.

I can’t wait to see how my new adult brain engages with this series. I can’t wait to find out what I think about the characters now that I’m not totally blinded by forbidden romance and mythical creatures and small town-vibes (all of which I would’ve done almost anything to be/obtain as a hopeless-and-forever-dreaming tween). Honestly, the more I think about Twilight, the more I unironically love it. But, this is a very uneducated opinion as I remember virtually nothing from the books that wasn’t in the movies (bet I don’t watch the entire Twilight saga films at least once a year. Bet.). I’ll get back to you all with my fully formed opinions once I finish. An IG rant, perhaps? 

The Poet X by Elizabeth Acevedo 

I picked this up immediately after finishing Clap When You Land because it was so stunning and I needed more of Acevedo’s writing in my life. Acevedo is brilliant, a genius in poetry, gifted with crafting so much emotion into such short, clipped verse. I have no idea what The Poet X is about (naturally), but I picked it up before her other book With The Fire On High because it won so many awards and I keep seeing it around the bookstagram community. I definitely want in on the conversation around this book and don’t you worry—you already know With The Fire On High is sitting in my cart waiting for me to, in a moment of weakness (considering my TBR shelf is now exploding with over 80 books), click “purchase”. All in all, I am very excited to read this. 

Bright Wings edited by Billy Collins

I’m not sure if I’ll be able to finish this poetry anthology this month because it is actually quite large, but my goal is to read at least 2 poems every night. That might mean that this will be finished sometime in August instead, but I’m comfortable with that completion date. If you’ve been reading my blog for a while (and if you have, thank you, I love you), you know that I like to read poetry very slowly because I believe that poetry is an experience that shouldn’t be rushed. The only poetry anthology that I ever blasted through in one sitting was Night Sky With Exit Wounds by Ocean Vuong because I just couldn’t resist. His words are like honeyed heroin. I couldn’t get enough. That’s a totally irrelevant tangent but anyway…

That’s it. That’s all I got for you. That’s all I got for me. I doubt I’ll be able to finish it all, but here’s to hoping, right? 

Meet me on Saturn tomorrow. Or actually, we’ll go together. Journey together. Together together together. Maybe pick up some snacks on the way? Baby carrots? Or regular sized carrots. Whatever.

For real. It’ll be fun, or something like it. 

…

Can you tell I’m in a peculiar mood? It’s fine.

Hope you are all well. Pay attention. Engage. 

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins | Book Review, Discussion & Analysis | PART 2

I cannot simply post something as trivial as a book analysis without commenting on the recent events in the media. I understand that this is just what is current, what is mainstream—I understand that things like this happen on the daily—but at least these two stories in particular can be used for some necessary social commentary.

These are their names:

George Floyd (from Minneapolis, Minnesota)

https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/minneapolis-floyd-investigation-1.5588417

https://www.ctvnews.ca/world/minneapolis-officer-who-knelt-on-george-floyd-s-neck-had-18-previous-complaints-against-him-police-1.4959989

https://www.cnn.com/2020/05/27/us/george-floyd-trnd/index.html

Regis Korchinski-Paquet (from Toronto, Canada)

https://www.narcity.com/news/ca/on/toronto/regis-korchinski-paquets-family-says-toronto-police-shoved-her-off-the-balcony-video

https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/regis-paquet-balcony-toronto-1.5588318

https://www.blogto.com/city/2020/05/regis-korchinski-paquet-protest-toronto/

(if you have any sources you want to share with others, please drop them in the comments)

Read them. Learn about them. Kill your racism, your prejudice, your superiority complex, your misguided attitudes.

It is up to us (white people) to educate ourselves and fix ourselves so that we do not add to the hate that is choking us.

I suppose speaking about this topic here, before my analysis of this book, is apt as the major theme of this book are the very questions that I asked myself upon reading about the aforementioned deaths (murder): Are we innately violent creatures? Do we resort to killing each other to quell our hatred for those who are different from us? Is that our natural state? And does that mean that peace, understanding, and equality is too far out of our reach? And why are we being brainwashed into thinking this is okay? IT IS NOT OKAY.

Stories inform us. They reflect our real lives. They should make us think. 

Consider these things, these questions, and apply them to what you see in the world. And then, ask yourself the most important question of all: what the fuck are you going to do about it? 

Because we must do something. And it starts with education. And monetary support.

DONATE (if you can):

Minnesota Freedom Fund - bail for protestors
https://minnesotafreedomfund.org/

Black Lives Matter - support the movement and fund campaigns
https://secure.actblue.com/donate/ms_blm_homepage_2019

OTHER ACTIONS

https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/

Read, learn, open yourself.

THIS IS YOUR OFFICIAL SPOILER WARNING. THERE WILL BE MASSIVE, JUICY SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT. TURN BACK NOW IF YOU HAVEN’T READ THE BOOK. THANK YOU LOVEYOUSOMUCH COME BACK WHEN YOU’RE DONE MUAH <3

I am so excited to discuss and analyze everything that we learn about in Part 2 of The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. I don’t even think we need an introduction. Let’s just get into the good stuff, shall we?

Snow vs Lucy

At this point, Snow and Lucy have become allies (and potentially romantic interests, but we’ll get to that soon) and it sucks because at this point everyone should know that Snow is very obviously going to betray her. What’s important to note about their relationship though is that they each represent one side of the very divided country of Panem: Snow being the Capitol and Lucy being the Districts. What they represent individually is important to consider as they enter the Games because we can then apply the questions that this novel highlights to these two characters (i.e. Who gets to survive? Do they deserve it? Why? etc.). Regardless of what those answers are, the means of survival remain the same: they will each have to kill people to survive (Lucy literally and in the first person, whereas Snow more metaphorically as he only has to kill people in the act of voyeurism, in the name of competition). 

Also, at this point, when tributes die (either of natural causes or otherwise), he crosses out both the tribute’s name and the mentor’s name from his list. We see him grapple with this decision in Part 1, originally thinking it “cold” to cross out the mentor’s name as if it symbolized that they too are dead, so his quick switch to simply crossing out the whole team is showing Snow’s cross into villainous territory. 

The Ballad of Lucy Gray Baird

PUT ON YOUR THINKING CAPS KIDS, BECAUSE RU IS ABOUT TO CLOSE READ A PASSAGE. Oh boy, I haven’t done this since University: 

And I am the one you let see you weeping 

I know the soul that you struggle to save. 

Too bad I'm the bet you lost in the reaping

Now what will you do when I go to my grave?

Jot notes to make this quick: 

1. This can (and should) be viewed in two way: Lucy speaking to the lover that abandoned her in District 12 (the person who we find out betrayed her) and/or Lucy speaking to Snow (as this is a story about Snow, we must consider that this has some sort of foreshadowing in it or is relevant to his character). For Snow, this stanza shows a couple important things (the following points assess each line chronologically): 

   1. it discusses the characteristic of vulnerability, which he sorely lacks. Vulnerability  is the thing that grounds people, makes them human, it is the first stepping stone of love. If he is unable to be vulnerable (which he is: we only see Snow be vulnerable in Part 3 when he’s finally “lost it all”), he cannot truly be in love with Lucy/pursue a healthy relationship with her. AKA, this is Collins telling us that Snow is a “fake ass bitch”. 

   2. Again refers to vulnerability, however, this is ironic because this line shows readers that Snow is completely successful in charming and brainwashing everyone around him into thinking he’s a good dude when in reality he’s a pile of poop. 

   3. This refers to the fact that he didn’t want to be her mentor at first, he felt as though he was being cheated and disrespected. Also refers to her probable death in the Games. 

   4. Lucy is becoming more and more of a prominent figure in his life and a symbol of hope and opportunity to change. This question is meant for Snow directly. It should’ve been something that he considered: does he love her? And therefore: will he feel terrible when she dies and he did nothing to stop it? 

The “Romance”

My immediate thoughts were as follows: 

Gross. 
No. 
Yuck.
Ew. 
No. 
Get away from her. 
Get away from her. 
Get away from her. 

I hated everything about their romance. I understand why it’s in the book, but I wish I could’ve protected Lucy from him. 

What I most disapproved of was the way that Snow thought about her. He constantly refers to Lucy as “his”. He says things like “I’ll keep her”, “Lucy is, now and forever, mine”, “my girl”, etc. It’s disgusting. This possessive, territorial type of thought pattern not only shows that Snow has a deeply unsettling lack of respect for women (not that I expected anything more), but it reveals his belief on control: that if he owns it, he can control it. 

He then goes ahead and applies this thought to the rest of Panem. If he owns the whole country, he can control it. If he can control it, he can keep peace. And he can keep peace, by forcing everyone to watch the Hunger Games. And they will all thank him because they know that peace is here, that he can be trusted to keep things under control, because he owns the world. Essentially. 

Snow Is Raised By Women

Isn’t that funny? I mean, he had a father, but he was always away in the war and was eventually killed. He has no other male relatives and even most of his professors are female. Snow is constantly surrounded by women and though he picks up on the hints that women have very different (and oftentimes way more difficult) experiences in the world in comparison to men*, he never once allows that to influence his thoughts. He still regards Lucy as something he can own, a piece of meat, which of course she is because he just flings her into the Games. Remember: the only reason why he feeds her and treats her well in the first place is because he is after that prize money that will send him to University. 

*one of the “hints” that he picks up on his the subtle suggestion of Tigris potentially having had to “resort”** to sex work in order to provide for her family when necessary. When he picks up on this possibility he thinks to himself something along the lines of “I would rather not learn the truth of it”. Because people never do want to know the truth of it. They don’t want to understand. It is way easier to continue in prejudice than to accept your shit thoughts and actions, educate yourself, and adjust yourself accordingly. 

**“resort” is in quotation marks because to Snow, it is thought of as a degrading act. I do not believe that at all. You will never catch me disrespecting sex workers in this house, no ma’am. 

The Romance Part 2

During their last meeting before Lucy and the other tributes are thrown into the arena, Snow gives Lucy his mother’s rose powder compact. He subtly suggests for her to use it to carry rat poison into the arena. I’m not going to lie: that was pretty smart. I didn’t see that coming and I really should’ve because I noticed that the rat poison was called out in Part 1, made a note of it, but never figured out why it would be important until I got to it. Well done, Collins. 

That being said: their kiss made me want to shrivel up and roll away like a tumbleweed in a dessert. Gross and gross and gross and gross. 

Snow’s Propaganda Training

While Lucy is in the arena literally fighting for her life, Snow is playing a very different version of the Games in the Capitol. Instead of poisoning people with rat poison, he decides to learn a different kind of poison: the art of manipulation. 

As he sells Lucy to the Capitol—telling them that she is more “Capitol” than “District” because she just “happened to get stuck in 12”, encouraging her to sing in her interview, etc.—we are watching him become a master of manipulation, a master of propaganda. This becomes a skill that he uses in his future. Mind you: Snow is already a scarily secretive and manipulative guy, he is very good at covering himself up, so watching this skill progress and get even better is very concerning. 

Remember, my darlings: events that happen in the story are all purposeful. They’re all there for a reason (if the writer is a good one). Always ask yourself why something is happening and try to see through to what it means to the novel’s message/theme/overarching question as a whole. Or, of course, it is entirely okay to read the book just to read it. You don’t have to analyze things the way that myself and other students of literature do. Every reading of a story is valid. Do whatever you enjoy. These are just my tips for those who want them.   

“What The Students Love About War” Essay 

This was creepy because honestly, what kind of question is “What do you love about war?” Shouldn’t the answer be a resounding: “NOTHING”? First of all, the fact that Gaul asks this question shows that she is completely unhinged and second of all, the fact that the students actually find answers for her shows us the Capitol’s slow progression into inadvisable thought patterns.

But anyway some answers that Snow comes up with are: 

• Resourcefulness

• Community 

• Fashion

• Parades/Fireworks (Showmanship)

• Pride/Honour/Teamwork

All of these things inform the future Hunger Games. Snow uses this as a way to make the Games not actually seem terrible. What Collins via Dr. Gaul did here was create a formula of the most chaotic yet controlled, terrible but brilliant, punishment that could possibly be known to mankind; it uses everything that makes humans suffer the most as well as all the things that we love, successfully making it an event that people can love or detest based on their position within society. 

Just to relate this back to real life: remember the R. Kelly trials (yes, I absolutely did just watch the documentary and found it absolutely horrifying, thanks for asking)? People (specifically young, black women--the exact demographic that Kelly was targeting) stood outside the courts showing their support of him because they were so unwilling to let go of his music. R. Kelly, to some, was great and because of this distraction, he could do anything he wanted (including rape underage girls) and he would still have supporters. It’s the same thing in the Hunger Games. It is the same rhetoric. 

Snow vs Sejanus

Snow and Sej are exact mirrors of each other, foils: Snow is the guy with the questionable morals whereas Sej has very compassionate, humane morals. Where Snow just wants the best for himself, Sej is constantly looking at how he can help other people. We watch their relationship grow in Part 2, especially after Snow “saves”* Sej from the arena. This, in Sej’s mind, seals their bond of eternal friendship whereas for Snow, this simply makes Sej more of a nuisance, yet a useful one that he decides to keep around for emergencies.

*“saves” is in quotation marks here because in Part 3 (SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVEN’T READ UP TO PART 3—SKIP TO THE NEXT PARAGRAPH) Sej is hanged after Snow betrays him (he sends a recording of his confession of treason to the Capitol, thereby condemning him to death). Snow certainly kills him in Part 3. But does he “save” Sej by getting him out of the arena? If he died in the arena (as he originally wanted to), he would’ve been saved from a murder that Sej did not feel he deserved. Right? I don’t know. Something to think about. 

SNOW IS NOT A HERO

Because he says this very enlightening thing as he is “saving” Sej from the arena: “He wanted to scream for them to kill the tributes, to kill them dead in their tracks, but his breath was in too short supply.” 

This just shows that there are no lines in the sand for Snow. He will do anything to live, to get ahead in life. 

Jessup

He made me really emotional. The scene where, as he is suffering with rabies, he chases Lucy around the arena trying to kill her was horrible. I just felt so bad because they were allies and he had no control of his “betrayal” to her because he was sick. It just reminded me a lot of Peeta when he was so tortured by the Capitol that he forgot who Katniss was. I was just so sad reading about him. I don’t know why he affected me so much in comparison to the others, but he really did. 

The Capitol Is An Arena

The quote on page 291 regarding: “survival driving everything”. Read it. Study it. Know it. This is Snow’s realization of everything. This is Snow disregarding this knowledge and doing whatever he can to serve himself anyway.

Small Rebellions In The Capitol

The wickedness of the Games is not lost on most people in the Capitol. Plenty of people do quickly “buy in” to the entertainment and distraction that is the Games (Lucky Flickerman, everyone who donates, the mentors that couldn’t care less about their dead tribute), but plenty do not. Some mentors speak out in support of their tribute, telling the story of how good of a person they were. This is a small act of rebellion. This is them saying “we do not agree”. It’s not enough, though. To really punctuate this thought though, Pluribus says the line “the truth is, we are all so busy killing each other that we forget how to have fun.” (page 165). If we consider the duplicity in this quote (referring to the “killing” being done both inside and outside of the Games), we see how this is a subtle act of rebellion as well.

Lucy Wins

I wasn’t surprised to see her be in the final 3 or even in the final 2, but I truly thought she was going to die. I didn’t want her to, obviously, but I thought that that would’ve been a “breaking point” for Snow. I suppose in that way, I was kinda rooting for him a bit after all. If she died, I wanted him to riot, to get angry, to fight against the Capitol. But I knew he wouldn’t. And so she wins and…

Snow Is Disqualified

Oh man. I thought he was going to get away with the whole thing. Because there are no real rules in the Games yet, I thought he was going to get away with everything. I mean, what else do you expect from a society that thinks itself better than everyone else? But he doesn’t. He gets sent off to be a Peacekeeper and this is where Part 2 ends. 

Wow. Okay, guys, that was a lot. Are you all still with me? How we doing? This is your water check. Drink some water. It’s important to stay hydrated. 

I hope you all enjoyed this discussion and analysis of Part 2. What did you find the most interesting? Is there any important stuff that I missed? Let me know all your thoughts in the comments below, you know I love to read everything and I always encourage friendly discussions. 

Stay tuned for my Part 3 discussion and analysis coming out very soon. If you’re interested, my Part 2 video review can be found here. And my Part 1 video review can be found here. 

See you all very soon!

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins | Book Review & Discussion | PART 1

When I finished Mockingjay, the final instalment in The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins, back in 2014, I was heartbroken. We all were. I was shocked and confused and I could hardly accept how the series had ended. 

That’s the key word here: ended. “Ended” as in “final”. “Ended” as in “going no further”. 

I never thought that we would ever revisit the world of Panem and honestly, I was okay with that. I wasn’t sure if I could handle that kind of heartbreak and torture all over again anyway. 

But then The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes was announced—Collins’ foray into the wicked and… “heroic” mind of a youthful Coriolanus Snow—and how was I to keep myself away? 

I read the book. This is my review. 

But before we talk about that, let’s set some ground rules…shall we?

Here’s how this review is going to work: 

1. It will be structured in 3 parts, each covering the corresponding parts of the book

2. A video review will be released in tandem with these written ones (although I urge you to still read the written reviews because I am far more eloquent and stronger of a writer than I am a speaker)

3. Part 1 will be the only review in which I give a synopsis of the book and a non-spoiler review. Parts 2 and 3 will be full of spoilers. 

4. I will give a spoiler warning before I begin the spoiler section within this review. 

5. The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes is a really long title. For your reading pleasure (and for the sake of my wee lil fingers), I shall be referring to it as TBOSAS throughout the rest of this review. 

Now that the boring (but necessary) stuff is out of the way, let’s discuss what this book is about: 

TBOSAS is about an eighteen year old Coriolanus Snow. It is set 65 years in the past during the 10th Hunger Games in which the youthful Snow must mentor a tribute in the Games. He is assigned to the female tribute from District 12, the dazzling Lucy Gray Baird, AKA the lowest of the low and the least likely person to survive the Hunger Games. As a poor boy whose family name has fallen from grace, Snow must win the Games, restore the honour of his family name, and ensure a lucrative future for himself in the Capitol.

To put it very simply: I loved this book. I think it was brilliantly done. I think it holds great purpose and is a valuable addition to the original series. In fact, the more I talk about it, the more I think about the contents within this book, the more I adore it. 

I did not expect to have this reaction. If you follow me on my IGs (@ruisreading or @ruthhvalente) and follow along with my book unboxing and/or “mini review with ru’s” then you know that I was 100% ready to detest this book. 

The main reason for this is because I did not want to read a book about Snow, especially one in which he is marketed as the “hero”. Nobody wanted this. Nobody asked for this. We readers have not forgotten the pure evil that is the character of President Snow in the original trilogy. 

Throughout this general hesitation though, I knew within my heart of hearts that I trusted Suzanne Collins. I knew that she was only writing this because she had something to say, some point to make, and/or some question to ask and analyze with her readers. If she was able to bring us a story as impactful and socially relevant as the original The Hunger Games series, I had no doubt that after a decade, after so much (yet so little) has changed within society (and I suppose, the human condition at large), that TBOSAS was going to be just as impactful, relevant and important for fans of the original trilogy. 

Here’s what I loved about the book: 

• THE DETAILS. The amount of details in terms of the composition of this book is just beyond me. Every decision that Collins makes in this book from the way that Snow thinks (subject and form of thinking), how he acts in comparison to what he thinks, his views on the consequences of his actions, etc. are deliberate and conscious in that they all combine to create the formula that Snow goes on to develop the Games with in the original The Hunger Games trilogy.

• The writing is good. Obviously. We’ve all read the original trilogy, we know what Collins can do with her words. This was no different. 

• That Snow isn’t a hero. No matter what the synopsis or various other online sources regarding this book tries to tell you, just remember that Snow is not the hero. Regardless of the contents of this book, reading this book while constantly reminding yourself that you need to question all of Snow’s motives and remember his true nature in the original trilogy, will allow you to realize the true intention of this book. It’s not hard to do, really. I never once “rooted” for Snow. If you pay attention to how and why this book was written the way it was, you will see that we are not meant to sympathize with our protagonist at all, but instead to reflect on things such as:

  • Who deserves to survive?

  • What does “survival” really mean?

  • Are humans innately violent and selfish and evil?

  • What is the relationship between chaos and control in a “civilized society”? 

  • Who gets to play “God” and why?

  • What makes a human need?

  • Where do we cross the line for human need? 

  • At what point does “need” turn into chaos? 

  • What can be done to stop this?

Here’s what I didn’t like about the book: 

• There were a bunch of name drops that never got explored (BUT I understand that this is only one book and Collins can only accomplish so much within it).

• There are hardly any descriptions in this book. Don’t expect wild imagery unless it is for a human body hanging from something. (No, I’m not joking). 

• The ending felt a bit abrupt. It wasn’t necessarily “rushed”, it all just happened really fast and I don’t have a clear understanding as to why (I’ll talk more about this in part 3).

• I still have so many questions if not more. 

Here’s some other stuff you should consider before reading it: 

• I found the pacing to be very unique. Although there is always something happening—every flip of the page means plunging yourself into some sort of terrifying event—it felt as though nothing really happened. I think this is because of the following point...

• It is written in 3rd person.

  •  I enjoy both 1st person and 3rd person narratives, so this didn’t really bother me, but I know some readers are particular with this sort of thing. What is mostly interesting about this narrative choice is that it is reflective of the content of the book, of Snow’s “true self”: we follow Snow from above, distant, not truly seeing things from his eyes, which is exactly how he views himself in relation to the world around him. Snow acts and regards life almost through a third eye, watching the consequences of his actions but never truly feeling in tune with them unless they directly affect him (as we see in Part 3 of this book…stick around to discuss that later). It is especially interesting considering this perspective choice in comparison to the original trilogy in which we follow Katniss in the first person, experiencing everything with her firsthand. 

  • In addition to that, the 3rd person perspective and prose in general makes this book feel more like it should fall in the “Adult” dystopian genre rather than the “YA” genre. This is nice because it doesn’t feel like anything was being “dumbed down” for readers and because it caters to the readers of the original trilogy who are now adults and their reading preferences and ability have undoubtedly levelled up to suit this style. Not that YA isn’t as good as Adult books. Not that YA books aren’t good. YA books are very, very good and just as sophisticated. 

OK. That’s all I’ve got for the non-spoilery stuff. I must now bid all of you who have not read the book yet and would like to remain unspoiled adieu. It’s been a pleasure. Please come back when you have finished the book and join in on the spoiler-filled discussion! 

THERE WILL BE SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT. TURN BACK NOW ALL YE WHO DO NOT WISH TO BE SPOILED. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. 

Since I don’t want this review to be too long and because I get pretty detailed in my video review, let’s go over some of the important parts of Part 1: “The Mentor” and discuss. 

Poor Snow And His Unfortunate Predicament

The first chapter of this book is just a big ol’ information dump about the Capitol and Snow himself. Here’s the important things that we gather (and please let me know in the comments if I missed any): 

• He’s super poor; like, eats-cabbage-almost-every-day and can’t-buy-a-new-shirt poor. This is pretty much what most citizens of the Capitol are experiencing even a decade after the war.

• Tigris is his cousin. Huh. Who knew. 

• Very old and senile Grandma’am thinks that Snow is going to be President one day. She is the original source of his roses. 

There Are Tons of Parallels to The Original The Hunger Games Trilogy

Such as: 

• Opening the story on the morning of the reaping 

• Snow is poor (just like the Everdeens) 

• Snow “tucking in his shirt tail” (like Prim does) 

• Snow feeling uncomfortable when he “owes” someone/is in debt to someone

• Jessup being very similar to Peeta (strong, capable, quiet and supportive of his fellow district tribute)

• Plenty more that I am probably forgetting (let me know if I do in the comments)

The Games are WHACK

The Games are not at all as “sophisticated” or developed in this book as they are in the original trilogy. In TBOSAS we actually see the Games in its most primitive state in which:

• the tributes are treated like animals rather than glorious athletes/performers (they are not fed and they spend their time before the Games in a human zoo being gawked at by the Capitol citizens)

• the arena stays the same (it is just a stadium—I imagined a football stadium—never cleaned or fixed for the tributes to compete in)

• and the Capitol is largely uninvolved in them (there is no betting on tributes, there is no sending gifts into the arena, etc.)

In fact, the 10th Hunger Games marks the first in which the tributes get “mentors”. 

The Capitol is Sympathetic

Whereas in the original trilogy we see brainwashed and ignorant Capitol citizens, the citizens of the Capitol in this book are largely uninterested in the Games. In fact, you would probably be able to find more citizens that disapprove of the Games (including some of the mentors themselves) rather than those that think it as a necessary form of punishment for the districts. This is important to note because when people are able to think freely in this way, they are more capable of taking down a regime of control. This book presents the Capitol in this way to show Snow’s successful brainwashing and complete control over the citizens throughout his reign of terror. 

There is No Shortage of Rebellious Spirit

We see it in District 12 (where we expect it, obviously) in Lucy Gray Baird, the District 12 female tribute, in Sejanus Plith, a boy from District 2 that grows rich and moves to the Capitol with his family, and even within Snow himself (but we only start to really see this in Part 2).

This shows readers 2 things: 

1) Where there is injustice, there will always be someone (or plenty of someones) trying to fight it

2) Even within the most unjust, evil, villainous creatures is a spark of goodness. Everyone has the potential to do the right thing, no matter what. It is our choices that make us “good” or “bad” or “gray”. In this case, all of Snow’s choices make him very, very BAD. 

“Snow Lands On Top”

This is one of the most important lines in the entire book. With this line, we discover everything that we need to know about Snow: he is arrogant, persistent, egotistical, and willing to do anything and everything to ensure that he gets what he wants. But, that means that this is also his hubris, his certain destruction. 

Because you know what else lands on top? Ashes. After the world has burned, ashes rain down from the sky and settle above the destruction.

What causes ashes? Girls on fire. 

What does fire extinguish? Snow. 

Always.

Snow Is NOT THE HERO

This is very, very important. Regardless of what the marketing around this book might say, one should not be dissuaded from reading this book because they think that it is meant to portray Snow as the hero. It isn’t and it certainly doesn’t. 

Marketing this book as a “hero’s tale” is dangerous because sometimes people just accept things at face value. I mean, it’s that one of the problems we see in the original trilogy? Be comforted knowing that (IN MY OPINION), this book did a fantastic job at not defending Snow but outlining every single thing that happened in his life that later informed his decisions and path to being a Total Effing Jerk ™. 

Snow & Lucy Gray Baird

This is easily one of the ickiest relationships I have ever read about in my life. While Lucy is depending on Snow to help her get out of the arena alive, Snow is entirely focused on getting the good grade and the funding for university that comes with having his tribute win the Games. Although he masks this with “caring” feelings towards Lucy (screaming that he “cares for her” when he leaves the human zoo that she is locked in, bringing her food, etc.), Lucy is really just a tool for him to get what he wants. In fact, all of his “caring” actions is just giving Lucy what she needs in the moment (emotional support or sustenance) to ensure that she lives long enough to fight for her life in the Games, hopefully win them, and bestow him with fame and a free education. 

The Question of Survival

This is what is most important to consider throughout this whole book: the question of who gets to survive, who deserves it, and what survival looks like in different landscapes. When you put this book side by side with the original series, regardless of the parallels, we see that the world that the story is set in is completely different in each of the stories. The Capitol in TBOSAS is not the same Capitol that Katniss experiences in The Hunger Games. In fact, it is so different that someone like a Snow—a family with a powerful last name—is poor and almost destitute. In this way, Snow and everyone in the Capitol that are experiencing a similar thing, are suffering. It is different from the way that Katniss suffered, but it is still suffering. 

This begs the questions that I’ve outlined above. Who gets to survive and why and how? If these 2 characters, these 2 types of people, are both suffering, why is one considered a hero and the other considered a villain when they do whatever they can to survive?

I think—when we consider this question in relation to Katniss and Snow—that Katniss was considered a hero because she still, ultimately, acted with compassion. She was scared and hurt and confused and honourable; she took her sister’s place in the Games, she never wanted to betray Peeta, and her survival would remain on a basic level—she would return to District 12 after hypothetically winning the Games and continue her life as normal if permitted. Snow, on the other hand, manipulates everything to ensure that he gets the results that he wants: his own victory. Achieving his ulterior motive of survival is always done through cunning and dishonesty and that is the major difference between the two characters. In fact, the only sort of affection/vulnerability we see from him is in Part 3 of the book or when he is with Tigris, his cousin, who he is also trying to protect. 

So sure, Snow was just trying to survive and to stop his life of constant suffering but while he was climbing his way to the top, he was dragging everyone and everything down below him whereas Katniss simply fought for the rights of all. 

Okay. Phew. That’s all I have for now (If you want a more detailed play-by-play and analysis, definitely watch the video here). Stick around for tomorrow’s review of Part 2 of this book. I am very, very excited because that means we’ll be diving into the more exciting parts of this book, the part that really allows us to analyze all the information that is dumped on us in Part 1. 

Let me know what you think of Part 1 of The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins in the comments below. I’d be so happy to discuss this with you! 

See you tomorrow!

Imagine Me by Tahereh Mafi | Book Review

The Shatter Me series by Tahereh Mafi is another one of those Young Adult series that I fell off once I entered University. Throughout my 4 years there, I pretty much had to put all of my pleasure reading aside in order to make room for all of my super heavy and dense course reading materials. Once I graduated, I didn’t particularly feel like going back to YA; for a while, it felt as though I had graduated not only from university, but from the YA genre too. 

How pretentious of me.

My education has certainly changed and improved the way I read and analyze texts. So, in some ways, I suppose I have graduated from the YA genre, but only in that I am now better at picking out the shining stars in YA literature and avoiding the… “less good” stuff. Which leads me to today’s discussion: Imagine Me, the final instalment in the Shatter Me series.

Let’s be real here: the Shatter Me series is no literary masterpiece, but it sure is one of the better series in YA literature. In fact, I enjoyed this series (but more on this on my next blog). I was upset when Imagine Me fell short of my expectations and put a little bit of a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to the series as a whole. 

Let’s talk about it: 

If you are not caught up with the series or have not read up until Defy Me, you will experience spoilers within this review. Spoilers for Imagine Me itself will be clearly indicated by an OFFICIAL SPOILER WARNING. Do not read past the SPOILER warning if you do not want to be spoiled.

Take a shot every time I say some variation of the word SPOIL.

“Imagine me
master of my own universe
I am everything I ever dreamed of”

— Tahereh Mafi

Written by Tahereh Mafi, Iranian-American queen, fashion goddess, dream of my dreams, and inspiration of my soul, Imagine Me follows the story of Juliette/Ella and her companions Warner/Aaron, Kenji, and the rest of the team at Sector 45 as they try to save Juliette/Ella from The Reestablishment and… that’s it. They don’t really have any plans to take down their oppressive government, they don’t really have any motivation to do anything but save Juliette and hope that she has a plan. But yeah… that’s pretty much it.

Just so we can get it out of the way: Overall, I think this final book sucked and I’m really sad about it.

It is really hard to end a series (especially a series that was already ended but then brought back to life because the author just wasn’t done torturing these characters). I am totally sympathetic to this struggle but I must also call a spade a spade: Imagine Me fell under the last-book curse, which breaks my heart.

Before we get into my issues with this book, I want to express the 2 saving graces that made me return to this series after my 8 year hiatus: Mafi’s writing and Kenji motherfucking Kishimoto. I try hard not to swear on my blog, but Kenji deserves that honour.

Mafi is an incredible writer. She’s poetic and sensual and lyrical and atmospheric and imaginative and absolutely incredible. Reading her words, especially in the first 3 books, is like floating through a lazy river with the sun shining softly on your bare skin, a cooling breeze flowing through your hair. It is like falling down the rabbit hole with Alice, but you’re not scared because you’re dancing the waltz with a finely clad gentleman and his eyes look like gemstones and you’re in love with him. 

This type of poetic and emotionally/sensationally charged writing is unusual in the YA genre, but I absolutely adore it. I swear Mafi would be able to describe colours if you asked her to. She’s that talented, in my opinion. This is what makes her one of my inspirations: her creativity and originality and fearlessness in capturing the inner workings of her character’s mind through expressive language. 

And her characters, or rather, her only character that truly matters: KENJI KISHIMOTO. My angel, my baby boy, my everything.

As you can tell, I love him to death.

Kenji remains to be the sassiest, funniest, charming, emotional, most heart-warming character in this series. His function within this story is extremely important as he grounds the story and reminds both characters and readers of the importance of humanity and how individuals/ “side characters” are just as (if not more) important as the “heroes/heroines”/ focal points of a story. What I’m trying to say here is: I love Juliette/Ella and Aaron/Warner and whatever, but I’d take Kenji over them as the hero any day. 

What I love most about Kenji is the fact that he pushes through adversaries even when he is absolutely falling apart. He fights the world’s evil because he feels like he has to, because no one will protect the people he loves if he doesn’t. He is completely conscious of the possibility of failure, but he never stops fighting regardless. He doesn’t have any other choice but to do what he thinks is right and what he thinks is right is always going to be protecting those he loves and those that can’t protect themselves. He’ll do whatever it takes because he loves so strongly. That’s why he’s a leader. That’s why he is so trusted. And he does it without being thanked or checked on by everyone, which of course makes him feel supremely lonely and alienated from people sometimes, and yet this darling boy still finds a way to be humble and thankful for his life and all the things he’s been blessed with.

Kenji is too good for this world. For any world. I have way too many feelings about him.

Kenji deserves everything he wants and needs and more. Kenji is the best thing that happened to this series and the only thing that kept me afloat during Imagine Me. 

Warner was okay too, but I can’t discuss him without spoilers, so we’ll get to that later. 

Now, onto the unfortunate bad parts of this book /my biggest problems with it, which are the following: 

• Juliette’s involvement (or lack thereof) in the story

• Leaving questions unanswered

• The lack of stakes

• The lack of resolution 

• Ongoing general confusion (aka: plot? Don’t know her.)

All of these points are pretty self-explanatory. It is the combination of these things that made reading Imagine Me just a “meh” experience.   

I really wish I liked the way this story came to a close, but unfortunately, I didn’t. I still love Tahereh Mafi and I am definitely going to continue reading her books, but she did drop the ball on this one. 

THIS IS YOUR OFFICIAL SPOILER WARNING.
THERE WILL BE SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT.
TURN BACK NOW OR FOREVER BE SPOILED.
DON’T SAY I DIDN’T WARN YOU BECAUSE THIS IS IT. THIS IS THE WARNING. 

“I feel as though my history is being rewritten, infinite paragraphs scratched out and hastily revised. Old and new images—memories—layer atop each other until the ink runs, rupturing the scenes into something new, something incomprehensible.”

— Tahereh Mafi

Now that all the people who don’t want to be spoiled have left, allow me to entertain you with a summary of this book in the form of a bullet note list:

1. Something about birds (I don’t get the metaphor here, someone explain)

2. Juliette/Ella screams

3. Warner is angry (very hot but also very unhealthy)

4. Kenji holds everything together (because he is an actual angel from heaven above)

5. Girl gets killed via scorpion (gross) 

6. They travel to Oceania (even though they just got back from there)

7. Juliette/Ella turns into just Juliette again. She’s a soldier for Warner’s dad

8. Emmaline in Juliette’s head

9. JULIETTE IS ATTRACTED TO ANDERSON? GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS. I understand why but GROSS GROSS GROSS GROSS 

10. Warner and Juliette get hot and heavy at The Reestablishment because they don’t understand the concept of time and place. It breaks the spell. She’s Juliette/Ella again.

11. Juliette/Ella kills Emmaline 

12. The Reestablish falls… literally

13. Suddenly Juliette is Head Bitch In Charge. She gets a puppy. She’s almost married to Warner. 

Yeah. That’s pretty much it. 

Listen, I hate that I hate this book but I do. The story was rushed, it didn’t really make any sense, the Emmaline story felt forced, and I didn’t get the resolution that I wanted. Not even close. But I do have some things I want to discuss: 

“Hell, he says, “I’ve finally found hell.”

— Tahereh Mafi

Warner

Warner is an interesting boy. I hated him at the beginning of this series, obviously because we were meant to. When the plot twist came around and suddenly he’s not evil and we’re all allowed to like him, I was both impressed and pleased. I don’t think it’s very easy to change everyone’s perception on a character like that and the reason she was successful was because of his whole backstory (how he has the Worst Dad Ever, totally abused as a child, deeply emotional due to his powers, how he and Juliette are so in love that it pretty much defies science and all other forces of evil). The fact that he’s also super hot doesn’t hurt either. 

When you put all of those factors together, you come out with a dude that is emotionally damaged and unstable, deeply in love, extremely dangerous (on multiple counts), and… unhealthy. Hear me out: we were introduced to Warner’s perspective back in Restore Me, that’s 3 novels and 1 novella ago, but we didn’t get a Warner perspective in Imagine Me until Juliette/Ella was home and safe in the epilogue. I understand why this happened-- the love of his life was taken from him, by his own father no less, and she was going to be put in a state that is pretty much worse than death in order for a sadistic, shitty government to manipulate the world using her powers. I can’t imagine what was going through his head other than “must save Ella, must save Ella, must save Ella”. I mean, Mafi said it herself on one of her IG livestreams: his perspective during that time would not have been a fun one. But doesn’t that kinda show how dependent he is on Ella for his own happiness? Doesn't that show that he had no character growth from the beginning of the series until now? He could hardly talk to Kenji throughout the whole book, Kenji who does everything to be his friend because of his love for Juliette. 

Personally, I think that’s really unhealthy. I don’t really like that his character is reduced to that. I get how it can be seen as romantic and in a way, it is because the man is ready to do anything to save the woman he loves, including being super badass with a machete, but if I were in Ella’s place, I wouldn’t be all too impressed considering everything I just explained. I still have love for Warner but damn. Go be badass and cool and sexy and all that but also keep a level head and instead of sulking around, go make a real, executable plan to save your fiance. 

Speaking of which…

Fiancé? And an almost wedding?

Warner proposes to Ella at the end of Defy Me and she obviously says yes and they’re engaged to be married. There is cake and dancing and celebrations and other fun private activities and we begin Imagine Me in the wee hours of the morning after said events. 

And I’m just sitting there asking myself how old are these kids? I swear we started this journey with Juliette back when she was 16 so she really can’t be more than 18 in Imagine Me (correct me if I’m wrong). Regardless, she could be 23 like me and I’d still be of the opinion that she is just way too young for marriage. I swear all of the YA fiction I’ve been reading lately has been ending in marriages and, for the most part, I’m not a fan. Why do they have to get married at such a young age? Is it responsible to be promoting that in YA fiction? I know that authors are allowed to do whatever they want in their stories because they are just stories but fiction inspires and reflects reality and I shiver thinking about all of these 18 year old weddings. Stresses me out. 

*Please note that I am totally biased in my opinion of marriage. Do what you want. Just be safe. And think.

“Here. This. My bones against his bones. This is my home.”

— Tahereh Mafi 

^I’m not even going to comment on the word “this” being used as a “complete sentence” here and in other YA books. So much cheese. It’s not cute. I hate it so much. 

Juliette/Ella

This girl went through a lot. By the end of the third book, I appreciated her growth and character development. I liked how she came to symbolize how emotions do not make people weak. 

But goddamn was she boring in this book. So boring. I mean, I get it, she was reformed into a soldier for Anderson, what can we expect, but… snoozefest. That’s all I have to say. I expected her to break out of her mind jail by herself, with the help of Emmaline maybe, and fight her way out of The Reestablishment and kick ass etc. etc. etc. Instead, we got the very satisfying ending of her being awakened by a boy? A la Sleeping Beauty? Are you kidding me? As if. I don’t care how much she loves him or how hot he is. 

Kenji. Kishi. Fucking. Moto. 

I have a bone to pick with Mafi when it comes to Kenji because why the HECK didn’t we get a final scene with him and Nazeera? I don’t care if it’s implied that they’re together and all is jolly and dandy--I wanted a Kenji and Nezeera scene in which he can express his love and relief and readers can be satisfied seeing him get what he deserves and has been seeking since the beginning of this series. 

I am SHOCKED AND APPALLED that we didn’t get something like this. The last thing we get to see of Kenji is him being reduced to the position of court’s fool and then security guard and he hardly gets any dialogue or a reunion with Juliette and I am PISSED ABOUT IT. PISSED, I SAY. I can’t keep talking about Kenji though. He’s a whole article in his own right. 

Nothing Really Happens

Am I the only one who thought this? I mean, I’m trying to see it from a different perspective but, I can’t. Nothing really happens. There’s a bunch of stress and emotion and all of that, but nothing actually happened. No one planned anything, save Kenji. There was a mini battle but the only point of that was for Warner to show off how cool he is and for Anderson to get his hands on Juliette/Ella, which confuses me (see next section as to why). 

And then blah, blah, blah, stuff happens and POOF The Reestablishment is vanquished and collapses in under 10 pages. But again: nothing actually happened. Ella just kills her sister Emmaline and the building just kinda collapses around them, which wasn’t Ella or Warner’s doing (if I remember correctly). So really, what did our heroes accomplish here? Answer: nothing. 

Unanswered Questions

Oh, boy. I have so many: 

• Is Anderson really dead? I mean, I know he’s dead, he has to be because this is the final book but the point is that we were never given an explanation to that. How can he be dead if he was genetically enhanced to have that power that stops him from being dead? Explain. 

• Where the heck is Adam? Why didn’t we get a Adam/James reunion scene? Why was the whole James situation “solved” and then completely ignored? What happens to James now? Is Warner going to be an active part in his life? 

• How did Anderson find Juliette/Ella? Warner hid her in the trees or some shit. Also, why would Warner hide her in the trees or some shit when there were probably way better options out there. I just… I can’t.

• Anderson wanted to be a baker? Are you kidding me? Don’t go sullying Peeta’s name with that bullshit, okay? 

• What did Warner say to Haider to make him cry? I need to know so I can take notes. My Gemini brain is tingling. 

• Did we ever clear up how this whole radioactive, end of the world, Reestablishment take over ended up happening? I’m still confused as to how this world got to this state and Imagine Me didn’t really provide much clarity.

• Who made these covers? I need their information so I can explain how bad they are. I hate them so much. 

I’m going to leave it at that. I can’t go on. My fingers are numb and I feel a slight buzz of irritation slowly spreading throughout my body. I need to be done with this. 

It is a sad day. 

Anyway, I’d love to hear your thoughts about Imagine Me. Let me know if you agree with me, disagree with me, or have additional thoughts that you’d like to discuss!  

Everything You Need To Know About "The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes" by Suzanne Collins

Welcome, welcome! The time has come, everyone! We are officially less than a week away from the release of The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins! 

Do you remember when this was announced back in June of 2019? I do. The bookworld exploded because everyone was so excited to take a deeper look into the world of Panem. After being shocked and startled into discovering terrible truths about our own reality at the end of the original The Hunger Games series, fans were absolutely ecstatic. Including myself. 

After the initial hubbub died down, we all began to twiddle our thumbs patiently in wait. But thankfully, we’re all going to be able to put those thumbs to good use by using them to thumb our way through this book and find out what kind of madness Suzanne Collins plotted up for us this time. 

If you, like me, are trying to prepare yourself accordingly, then you’ve come to the right place. Today we are talking about all the information we currently have about this highly anticipated book.

Here’s everything you need to know: 

DISCLAIMER: I will be abbreviating the title The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes to TBOSAS for your reading pleasure as well as for the sake of my poor fingers. I need these things. 

It’s A Prequel

You probably already know this, but I’m going to say it anyway because it’s important. The fact that this is a prequel story means that we’ll be getting a story set in the years before Katniss’s 74th and 75th Hunger Games and her blazing rebellion. In fact, TBOSAS is set so far in the past that we will be experiencing the years following the “Dark Days” (which, if you don’t remember, is how citizens of Panem refer to the District’s first failed rebellion/uprising).

The book starts on the morning of the 10th Hunger Games reaping. Chilling and familiar, isn’t it? I’m already not feeling too good about the parallels being set up here…

The Protagonist Is Coriolanus Snow

Yes, you read that right. The President Coriolanus Snow. One of the antagonists of The Hunger Games series. I could hardly believe it myself. 
Is it weird? Yes. 
Did I expect a totally different story? Yup.
Do I necessarily want to read a story about Snow? Nope. 
Am I still going to do it? Absolutely. 

The synopsis of the book has some...fun…insights on his alleged character including some gems like: 

“Ambition will fuel him.
Competition will drive him.
But power has its price.”

And, 

“The odds are against him.” > (again with the weird parallels!)

Entertainment Weekly even writes, “Here, he’s friendly. He’s charming. And, for now anyway, he’s a hero.”

Honestly, dear readers: this makes me feel gross. I hate reading this. I don’t like how President Snow is being oddly justified here and—semantically, anyway—being related to Katniss. Just. So. Gross. 

These descriptions are very interesting though considering…

The Book Is About Human Perception of Survival 

Behind the icky premise and the even ickier protagonist, we are to read this novel through the same lens that we read The Hunger Games: questioning morality, necessity, the true roots of evil, and the rotten consequences of power, hunger, and control. For TBOSAS specifically, Collins states that she wrote this book to explore “the state of nature, who we are, and what we perceive is required for our survival."

I get the idea here. I understand the perspective and why this is an interesting concept, which isn’t surprising coming from me: We all know by now that I live and breathe morally ambiguous characters and stories. But, where do we cross a line with this? When does this story stop being an exploration of human perception of various issues in life and start becoming justification for the privileged? I don’t know. I have a lot of thoughts that I’ll explain in a future review and discussion. 

You Can Read An Excerpt 

And you can find it here. Though, be warned: the promo image/art is really creepy. Super creepy. It makes my skin crawl. 

Although I was hesitant to read the excerpt (I don’t usually read excerpts because I love going into things blind) I couldn’t resist temptation in the end. My opinion: I’m still too mad at Snow to ever think of him as a hero, even in his youth. Which begs a whole new set of questions: Is that right? Should I even have the right to judge? Does this mean that Snow was nurtured into evil (or, at the very least, “badness”) and does that mean “society” teaches people to be “bad”? Is that the stance we’re taking here? So many questions and the book isn’t even out yet…

It’s Not A “50th Hunger Games/Haymitch’s Games” Story So What’s The Point?

Seriously, though. Suzanne. Mrs. Collins. Please. Give the people what they want: The story about what happened in the 50th Quarter Quell. Not a story in which President Snow-barfo is the “hero”. 

It’s Already Slated For A Movie

That’s right (and a bit premature? And unfortunate considering the current COVID-19 situation). Lionsgate, the company that produced all of the previous The Hunger Games film adaptations, is set to take on this task with director Francis Lawrence (Catching Fire and Mockingjay Part 1 & 2) once again. 

Not to be a negative Nancy but how funny would it be if the book ends up being received terribly by fans, totally flops, and all the production for this movie ends up being useless and goes down the drain. I mean, that won’t happen, but damn. These producers are really prepared to jump on the excitement that ABOSAS is going to stir up in the entertainment world. 

It Comes Out Next Week

Yup. May 19th, 2020 is the glory day, everyone. Make sure you’re ready; get your The Hunger Games reread done and your online bookshop cart stocked. In less than 5 days, we’ll all be able to get our hands on this highly anticipated story.

How Do You Feel?

Personally, I’m excited. I have my concerns and my doubts, but that is very much overshadowed by my extreme excitement and by the faith I have in Suzanne Collins. I don’t think she’s capable of tarnishing her original trilogy with a story that is meaningless and solely in defence for one of the most disgusting villains in YA literature history. I have faith that this will be more than just a President Snow background story.

Ah, but with this thought comes more questions: why are we all so stressed about reading an 18 year-old President Snow? Why can’t he be viewed as the hero in this story? He hasn’t done anything wrong at that point in his life so it’s almost as if we are being introduced to an entirely new, blank-slate character. I know my answer to those questions—I know exactly why I don’t want a story about President Snow’s hero-turned-villain defence story—but I’m going to reserve my judgement until after I read the book. 

Are you all excited? Have you preordered your copy? I certainly am and I certainly have. In fact, I’ve already informed everyone that needs to know that I will be unavailable from the moment the book arrives on my doorstep to the second I peel my desperate, bloodshot eyes away from the last word. Nothing is getting in between me and this new story. Nothing.

I can’t wait to discuss it all with you very, very soon. Until then, go off and theorize, fellow book nerds! Godspeed or something.

Sources: 

https://thehungergames.fandom.com/wiki/The_Ballad_of_Songbirds_and_Snakes

https://ew.com/books/2020/01/21/hunger-games-prequel-exclusive-excerpt/

https://www.songbirdsandsnakes.com/

What I'm Reading In May | Playing "Catch Up" With YA

Wow…May already, huh? I’d be so excited about it if I wasn’t stuck inside my house, unable to enjoy the beautiful weather that is finally starting up in Toronto. But, I can’t complain too much as this quarantine is allowing me to dedicate a lot more time to reading. 

Like last month, I intend to be very, very ambitious with this month’s TBR pile. I was able to read 9 books last month so I’m hoping I’ll be able to do it again. Here’s what I’ll be reading this month:

Tales From The Shadowhunter Academy by Cassandra Clare, Sarah Rees Brennan, Maureen Johnson, and Robin Wasserman

This month is dedicated mostly to catching up with all of the Shadowhunter novellas as I am certain that they contain essential information for the understanding of the future Shadowhunter novels. I have no idea what happens in Tales From The Shadowhunter Academy but I’m excited to find out. I’m excited that Simon is going to play a big role in this book and I really hope we get a story about James, Matthew, Thomas, Christopher and Alistar when they were at the Academy. I really want to know more about one thing in particular, but since it is a spoiler, I’ll refrain from speaking about it. 

If you want a hint as to what that might be though, check out my blog OR video review of Chain of Gold. That’s right. Ru is going multimedia. Get into it. 

Ghosts of The Shadow Market by Cassandra Clare, Sarah Rees Brennan, Maureen Johnson, Kelly Link, and Robin Wasserman

I think this book came out last year or the year before that, but I only got it recently. If I’m being honest with myself, I know why I didn’t automatically read these books when they originally came out: I hate collaboration books. Okay, “hate” is a strong word. Let’s go with “dislike” or “am usually very disappointed by”. 

I’ve read a small number of books written by multiple authors and I felt generally displeased by all of them. I just feel like the writing isn’t as clear, you can sometimes tell the difference between one author’s voice and the other’s, and they tend to be not as interesting (which I blame on the fact that there are too many minds with different perspectives working on the same project). Although I think it is great for authors to work with other authors, especially if they’re friends and they’re happy with the final product, it is just usually not something I enjoy. I’ll still support the author and think nothing less of their work, but their collaboration works just won’t be my favourite. I hope that opinion changes with these Cassie x friends novellas. 

The Bane Chronicles by Cassandra Clare, Sarah Rees Brennan, and Maureen Johnson

I bought this book such a long time ago, right when it first came out, and I was so excited. I mean, a whole book about the adventures of Magnus Bane, one of my favourite characters in this series? I couldn’t be happier. Then I started reading and I couldn’t get past the Peru story because of the issue I stated above. I mean, it just didn’t feel as interesting as Cassie’s solo novels. I need to read this though because of The Midnight Heir story that relates back to Chain of Gold. I’m excited to try it out again. 

Son by Lois Lowry

Every month I claim that I am going to read this damn book and every month I fail. I am such a fool. It’s a children’s book! I’ve had it on my TBR shelf for years! It’s time to get it over with! Ugh. It’s just that everytime I try to read it, I get distracted by something else. Oh well. I’ll try again this month.

From Rufio To Zuko by Dante Basco

At the time of writing this (because this article is going up late…oopsies), I have actually finished reading this book. It was really good! I don’t really like Basco’s writing style and I definitely have a problem with his grammar, but I had a good time reading this book. He’s very inspiring and he is clearly a very wise person. He also seems very tormented, damaged from his time in Hollywood, and I’m sympathetic. I’ll continue to read whatever comes next from him because I’m interested in his story and his efforts to help Asian American artists (specifically poets) in Hollywood. 

You  can find my mini review on my Instagram @ruthhvalente or Bookstagram @ruisreading

The Sky Is Everywhere by Jandy Nelson

After reading I’ll Give You The Sun I knew that I had to consume every published work by Jandy Nelson because she’s such a fantastic writer. I picked up this book on a recent book order (had to hit that free shipping, you know) and I’m really excited to get to it this month. I don’t know what this book is about, but I know it has some fun stuff hidden within the pages. 

The Picture of Dorian Grey by Oscar Wilde

I’m almost certain that I was supposed to read this book back in university. I definitely didn’t. Even though I am quite familiar with this story and I know pretty much everything that is going to happen, I still want to read this during May. I think it would be especially useful now that I’m following The Last Hours series (Chain of Gold) because Matthew Fairchild is a huge fan of Oscar Wilde, who would’ve been popular during his time. That has to be relevant. Might as well read Wilde’s most famous book to find out why. 

The Red Scrolls of Magic by Cassandra Clare and Wesley Chu

Funny story, but this book was shipped to me early. Release date was May 5th in Canada but I was a lucky duck and ended up getting it on May 4th (which isn’t uncommon--Indigo does that often with pre-orders). Anyway, I was so excited to disinfect and open up my box, get my book, and start reading and then I noticed that the book is a paperback. I foolishly ordered the paperback version and now my book doesn’t match the rest of my collection and I am heartbroken. No bother though, I’m just going to return this and get the hardcover soon. Excited because I really want to start this adventure with Alec and Magnus.

A Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins

Ah, yes…my most anticipated book this year. Can you believe it? A companion/prequel book to The Hunger Games, the legendary trio that took the world by fire. I’m still in shock. I’m so excited about this book it’s making me go crazy. I hope I have the same luck with this book as I did with TRSOM and I get it a day before release date so I can devour this as soon as possible (and get a review up as soon as possible, of course).

Stay tuned for a blog soon regarding everything we know about the book so far. 

So…pretty demanding TBR list this month, huh? I think I can get to them all, but it might be a bit more of a challenge since I’ve been posting a lot more content recently. Also, I started opening myself up to Outlander again, after taking a very long hiatus from the show, and it is consuming most of my nights. That’s the thing about Outlander: I start, I get addicted, and I can’t think about anything else other than it and I have to force myself away from it to be productive. Jamie and Claire just do that to me. 

Well...we’ll see what I can do this month. Cross your fingers for me. 

Chain of Gold by Cassandra Clare | Book Review & Discussion

The time has finally come: it is time to discuss Chain of Gold, the first book in The Last Hours series by Cassandra Clare, AKA one of my most anticipated books this year (along with A Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins and Dearly by Margaret Atwood). We have a lot to discuss because I have a lot of thoughts. 

Let’s just get right to it. 

SPOILER WARNING FOR THOSE WHO HAVE NOT READ THE REST OF CASSANDRA CLARE’S NOVELS INCLUDING THE INFERNAL DEVICES, THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS & THE DARK ARTIFICES: IF YOU WANT TO AVOID SPOILERS FOR ANY OF THOSE BOOKS, TURN BACK NOW. GO READ THEM THEN COME BACK. 

Chain of Gold, set in the grand and...hedonistic... time of Edwardian London, follows the story of the children of the main cast of characters in The Infernal Devices and a generous helping of new characters from new Shadowhunter families; we follow the lives of James and Lucie Herondale, Cordelia Carstairs, Matthew Fairchild, the Lightwood cousins, and many more. 

Each struggle with unique troubles of the heart, but they all share in a common struggle when demons return to ravage London after years of dormancy. The Shadowhunters are caught wildly off guard, especially as they realize that these demons have special abilities to attack during the daytime as well as to spread a strange, unknown disease. As the demon attacks grow more frequent and more deadly, our main cast of characters start investigating the matter and discover dark secrets about the Herondale’s unique abilities as children of a warlock, the price that heroes have to pay, and of course, the terrible fate that is falling in love. 

Here’s my non-spoiler review: 

This book was everything I could have possibly asked for and more. I mean, I worried at first about whether it would live up to The Infernal Devices, but I quickly dismissed that thought because how can anything with Will and Tessa’s children in it not be incredible? After realizing that, I knew it was going to destroy me and I came to terms with that. I thought I was ready but I wasn’t...I wasn’t ready.

Nobody could’ve possibly prepared themselves for the rollercoaster of emotions that Cassie puts her readers through in this book. There are so many incredible parts of this book; characters that feel so real and full and exciting, plot lines that made me never want to tear my eyes from the page but simultaneously want to hurl the book to the far side of the room, writing (especially the dialogue) that so perfectly reflects the era this book is set in, romances that are  so heartbreaking and suspiciously familiar…. It was truly beyond words.I love this book and I think it might be among my favourite of Cassie novels thus far. We’ll see how the other books in this series go because I’m sure they’re just going to destroy me further. 

THIS IS YOUR OFFICIAL SPOILER WARNING. FROM THIS POINT ON, THERE WILL BE INTENSE SPOILERS FOR CHAIN OF GOLD. IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE SPOILED, TURN BACK NOW. 

Um… WHAT THE HELL DID WE JUST GO THROUGH? I have so many feelings and I don’t know what to do with them. I have so many questions. I have so many things to discuss. 

Like my last review for a Shadowhunter novel/series (which you can find here, if you’re interested), I’ll be discussing everything in order of occurrence. Tomorrow, you can find my particular thoughts on characters as well as events throughout the book associated with them (so there might be overlap, but that’s okay). Let’s begin: 

Family Trees

Was I the only person struggling to remember all the character names and who is who’s son/daughter, who was marrying who etc.? It was so difficult that I had to pull out my Herondale/Carstairs/Lightwood family tree that is on the back of my edition of Clockwork Princess. That was a life saver because I specifically kept forgetting which Lightwood family Christopher belonged to. It was a while until I remembered everyone’s names and could finally  abandon that family tree. 

Speaking of abandoning it (and I know that this jumps all the way to the end of this book, but bear with me), apparently Cassie has said that that family tree is not reliable, that it has fooled us once before. So now I am incredibly intrigued. What do you mean we can’t trust the family tree? Where is the mistake? Why was it falsified? Who had the intention to falsify it? What? WHAT? 

Timeline Switch

Chain of Gold switches between the time that this book is set (1903) and “Days Past:___”. We switch between these time periods throughout the book and I thought it was so cool. Cassie has never done anything like that before and I really enjoyed going back in time to when these characters were kids and seeing how they got to the current point in their lives. I kept imagining what The Infernal Devices would’ve been like if we got a flashback to Will’s childhood when he opened the Pyxis (which I think I wrote before in the form of a movie script for a high school Literature class—let me know if any of you ever want to see that). It was a bit infuriating during the points in the book when I wanted to see what was going to happen in the present time and  Cassie was just like NOPE, GOTTA BUILD THE SUSPENSE, TO THE PAST WE GO! 

Lucie & The Changeling

Well, the changeling who turns out to not actually be a changeling but the ghost of the long since dead Jesse Blackthorn. In this story, we discover that Jesse died at a young age because he was unable to bear runes; after the application of his Voyance rune, he took ill and eventually died. But apparently…this is a lie? I’m not too sure if I trust this story myself. I still haven’t read The Midnight Heir, which apparently claims to have a record of Jesse’s death at 59 years old. On the Clockwork Princess family tree, it also says that Jesse marries Lucie Herondale, which would support the whole “dying at 59 and not 16 thing” but Cassie also said we can’t trust the family tree. So what the heck is going on here? 

Lucie certainly can’t bed a ghost so…what’s up with this? Unless…she can? Lucie has got some wicked ghost powers and Jesse, or who we think is Jesse, doesn’t seem to be a regular ghost so anything can happen. Is Jesse really a changeling? Is this another Tessa’s mother situation (re: Adele Starkweather)? Is history really repeating itself here? Are we going to find the real Jesse Blackthorn hidden somewhere in the mundane world?

James & the Shadow World

James can turn into a freaking shadow and walk between the realms of hell and the mundane world? How sick is that? I mean, terrifying, of course, but what a cool concept to introduce! James is turning out to be such a great character and such a lovely mix of both Tessa and Will. And his colouring? Oh man, if only he were real, but we’ll talk about that tomorrow. 

Cordelia & London (Her Mother & James)

First of all, Cordelia is one of my favourite names in the whole wide world so I’m already predisposed to loving her. Second, she’s wonderful. Thirdly, I feel bad for her. When she gets to London, she’s already head over heels in love with James (how couldn’t she be) but her mother is pushing her to find a husband (which is revolting). At first, I really didn’t like her mother (Sona) for this, I thought she was being dramatic and annoying and was doing suspicious little to help save her husband, but when Alastair drops the truth bomb later on in the book—as well as when we discover that Sona is pregnant and very kind-hearted and tender after the ‘redecorating” process in their Cirenworth Hall home—I warmed up to her a lot and understood her harsh appearance in Cordelia’s life. Cordelia’s relationship with her family is clearly complicated and layered. Just as she is. 

No Demons In London

This was such an interesting story to follow. Up until this generation of Shadowhunters, we’ve always been introduced to the circumstances in the Shadowhunter world, their demon slaying world, as urgent because their fight against evil never ends. Demons never slow down and therefore, neither can they. It was so cool to see their world from a different perspective: not lazy per se, but casual, relaxed, almost mundane. It was weird to see them valuing silly things such as what people are wearing to party or the latest gossip rather than strategies for demon killing and what not. It did give this story a lot to play around with in terms of commentary on stupid human tradition/priorities as well as romances within this story. 

Page 40. The Scene.

The Scene: the first time we see Will/Jem/Tessa reunite in the most heartbreaking way possible. On this page, in this scene, Will receives news of his parent’s passing (due to influenza) and he breaks down. It was significant to the children as it was the first time they saw their father, their idol, cry. Tessa, of course, is there to support Will and suddenly—and it didn’t seem as though anyone called for him—Jem appears and Will cries into his chest, holding on to him, his best friend and former parabatai, for dear life. 

It. Was. Devastating. 

It was the first time I shed tears while reading this book. “Shed tears” doesn’t even cover it: I weeped. I sobbed at this part because seeing them all together again in this perfect union of pain and heartbreak and support and unconditional, everlasting, circumstance-defying love was so painful. They deserve to be together, the three of them. 

I literally started tearing up while writing this. I can’t handle my emotions when it comes to those 3. 

Is Bridget Immortal?

But for real because I swear she’s in The Dark Artifices when the Blackthorns visit the London Institute. What’s up with weird old Bridget? 

“Oh, so Grace is a Demon. Am I right or is that too obvious?”

That line is taken directly from my notes. Basically, as the story goes on, we understand that Grace has this weird touch ability that makes people “fall in love with her” (that’s in quotations because her victims only fall in love with her in their minds, not in their hearts). When she uses this power, she can also manipulate them. 

I wrote this particular note down during the scene where the Shadowhunter youth are at Regent’s Park having a picnic. I thought it was strange that when James kissed Grace, he felt  this strange revulsion, like he’s going to yack. Noting this, I figured that the only thing that would make a person, a Shadowhunter, want to yack would be interacting that way with a demon against their wishes. Grace is definitely bewitching James (both through her physical touch and that weird ass bracelet she gave him, I mean “Loyalty Binds Me”? Hello? Is that not so obvious? Wake up, James.), so this “relationship” he has with her is inherently against his wishes. 

Later on, when the Merry Thieves, Cordelia, and Lucie are trying to figure out who James and Lucie’s grandfather is (because the demons keep vanishing “out of respect” for this mysterious figure), we are finally introduced to all the Princes of Hell including Astaroth, the Prince that takes advantage of people, tempts them to bear false witness, and has something to do with lust. Lust. Hmm. Sound familiar? Is this Grace? Is she perhaps the daughter of this Astaroth? Is she Astaroth?

Also, just to make it very clear: I hate Grace so much. She is terrible. 

Also also, she might be lying about her parents (evidence on page 147 when she hesitates explaining her parents to James). It is interesting that I have this opinion though. I wonder if I would have the same opinion if she was the main character of this book. I mean, The Dark Artifices kinda revolved around the whole idea of “you’re never the villain of your own story” and I will always defend Julia Blackthorn when it comes to his sometimes shady actions. Very interesting. We are fickle, fickle creatures, aren’t we?

Also also also, Chain of Gold even ends with her telling Grace that she has every intention to try and save Jesse’s life. What if that conversation with Grace at the end of the book was Grace just being manipulative, preying on Lucie’s obviously grieving soul (because Jesse is dead and she’s clearly falling for the ghost-boy). Combine Grace’s manipulative power with the Herondale's individual abilities regarding traveling between realms and necromancy (both of the things that have to do with their grandfather, Belial) I mean... it can start some real shit. Is this where book 2 is going? WHO KNOWS. 

Blackthorn Manor as a Character

THIS WAS SO COOL. I mean books such as Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, and all of Jane Austen’s books would’ve been popular at the time when James (and even his parents) were alive to read them. It is cool that Cassie took this element of these classic, timeless tales—the homes of the characters becoming characters in the book, personified and necessary to the story—and added it to her own. So cool.

Who Is The “Pale Blond Man” Lucie Sees In The Shadows?

On page 161, as Lucie is conversing with Jesse Blackthorn about why she is at Blackthorn Manor, “creeping about, spying”, she has a moment where she sees a man with “pale blond hair and a hard twist to his unforgiving mouth”. Isn’t that odd? It is never referenced again within the book and, of course, Lucie doesn’t question it in the moment, thinking that she didn’t actually see anything at all because he vanished so quickly.

 The only other person in this book with pale blond hair is Grace. Could this be her dead brother or other family member? Could it be a ghost haunting the Blackthorns? Another thing to notice here is that we have not been introduced to the Morgenstern family at all. Where did they come from? They have pale blond hair too, do they not? I know that is probably due to all the demon blood (again just supporting the theory that Grace is a demon), but still. Is this perhaps a Morgenstern? Do the Morgensterns come from some weird experiment Benedict Lightwood did on some unfortunate girl? He’s mentioned so often in Chain of Gold, he has to be important. Who knows? WHO KNOWS? 

LUCIE’S WEAPON OF CHOICE IS A THROWING AXE?

Yes, Lucie! What a fucking BOSS. When she picks up an axe before she, Cordelia, and the Merry Thieves go off to save James in the park where he meets Grace, I SCREAMED. I was so excited. I am in love with her. I love her. 

James and Grace In The Park 

This was one of the most infuriating parts of the whole book. I was so mad reading this scene and I couldn’t wait for it to be over. I mean, Grace torturing the hell out of poor James, the man who is already being emotionally manipulated by her, into eloping with her so that she can be protected by her mother? Sounds fucking fake. The way she was speaking to him was HORRIBLE. 

During this entire conversation, James is thinking about past conversations with his father about the pain of love. Will tells him that love is extremely painful but James can’t help but think that that “good pain” can’t be what he is feeling for Grace because instead he feels as if “his bones  seemed strung on a single wire, and he imagined that if the wire was pulled taut, it would kill him.” (page. 243). I mean, that doesn’t sound like love. That sounds like a threat, a test, which is exactly what dear Cordelia, the true love of his life, tells him after this encounter. 

When James thinks of Cordelia he feels warm and soft and fuzzy inside. Doesn’t that say something? WAKE UP, JAMES! 

Thomas & Alistair

Interesting. Thomas has such a good heart to attempt to forgive Alastair and see the good side of him during their time in Paris. That was very sweet to read, even though Alastair is a moody broody boy (and in an irritating way). As an outsider simply reading this story, I can understand Alastair and his attempts to be a better person and earn his forgiveness (YAY! Redemption arc! My favourite!), but I am absolutely certain that if this was my reality and Alastair treated my friends the way he treated the Merry Thieves back in the Shadowhunter Academy (spreading rumours about Thomas’ mother, sweet angel Sophie, being unfaithful to her husband, Thomas’ father), I would react the same as Matthew: pure fire and rage. I would never forgive that behaviour. Or at least, it would take a lot, but I’m leaning more on the “never” side. 

And Suddenly, Alastair Becomes Interesting

On page 268, Alastair is speaking to Cordelia about her intentions and plans to help save their father. While she thinks the best route to take is to get people to help her by getting them to like her, he scoffs at this and says that she should start thinking about “making people owe you.” Now doesn’t that make for a fascinating character. Alastair, troubled, mean, misunderstood, clever…who are you, really?

Jem’s Speech, Page 280

Jem trying to assure James, the boy named after him, the son of his best friend, that he is made of good, not evil? I cried. Cried, I tell you. I love Jem so much, I miss him.

MAGNUS RETURNS!

I almost thought that Magnus wasn’t going to be a part of this story. I would’ve missed him, of course, he’s been through everything with us, but I wouldn't have been surprised if he didn’t show up. He wasn’t very important in this book but I’m sure that’s going to change as the series progresses. Magnus is too wise, too powerful. He’s going to be invaluable once again. 

Theme: Allowing People To Love Others & The Deception This Involves

Okay. This is the part where I get really mad on behalf of Cordelia. 

Am I the only person that was so mad at everyone for trying to protect her feelings by lying to her? There are two instances of this: 

1) Alastair and Sona lying to Cordelia about the truth of her father being an alcoholic 

2) Matt keeps information from Cordelia about how terribly her brother treated her friends when they were at school together. 

I am horrified. 

Their reasoning for doing this is that Cordelia should be allowed to love her family, the people that she already loves, without that love being tainted by outside views, AKA the knowledge of the bad things they’ve done in their lives. I’m sorry but what? What kind of backwards, twisted logic is that? First of all, Cordelia, despite her nickname “Daisy”, isn’t some fragile thing that needs protecting. Far from that. Second of all, holding back that information from her is lying to her. That is important information that would help her make future decisions about who she wants in her life and how she wants to interact with them, which should be her decision. Notice how both of the characters that do this are men. Men, keeping information from a strong, powerful woman because apparently they get to decide what’s good for her? Please. Cordelia can chop them both in half without the use of her sword. She runs circles around them. Although I love Matt and I’m intrigued with Alastair, I’m very angry about this deception. 

Big Boss Battle

So James meets his grandpa, he’s super nasty, they duke it out. True. Cordelia shows up (thank god) and essentially saves the day, which was great. Everything leading up to this—
Christopher getting attacked,
Thomas and Lucie getting the last ingredient from the Blackthorn greenhouse,
Grace visiting Jesse’s body,
Lucie killing the demon and saving Grace (though I don’t know why she did that),
Lucie commanding Jesse to take her to Matt and Cordelia,
Cordelia using Cortana to cut into the Shadow realm,
Cordelia and James killing the Mandikhor and almost dying,
returning to London and James being near death,
Jesse using his last breath to save James,
James telling Cordelia that they should read together after they’re healed—
oh, it was a lot. I read it all so fast because it was so intense. I felt like I had slipped off the edge of a waterfall and I was flailing my way to the dangerous waters below. Intense intense intense. 

“You don’t love me.”
“No, I don’t.”

YO. THAT SHIT HURTED. 

Poor Cordelia. Oh, my poor sweet, gentle Cordelia. Warrior, angel, powerful, beautiful, yet so reserved and sweet and calm and good, Cordelia. She really could’ve thrown up some flames just then, I certainly would’ve if I were her, but being the actual angel she is, she simply goes along with it. Her love for James is so unconditional that she doesn’t even try to step into his love life because, in her head, he is in love with another.

But it isn’t true, Cordelia! He loves you! It’s just the stupid bracelet that’s getting him all confused! He’s been bewitched, I tell you! Bewitched! 

But, since we’re on the topic: the fact that Cordelia so readily took the greatest, most fatal hit a woman could possibly have taken at that time—openly admitting that she has “compromised her virtue”, essentially “ruining” herself—is so freaking brave of her. She always does the right thing, without second thought. And she loves James so much she’s so willing to do it. I don’t doubt that she would do it for anyone though, as long as they deserve it. Since the beginning of this book we see how deeply she cares for people, how hard she works to protect and save them all. 

And James, despite his “love” for Grace, the bitch who puts that bracelet back on his wrist and caused this whole mess in the first place, automatically proposes to her in order to save her from being ruined. It’s all so painful because they clearly love each other so much—James would obviously do anything to protect her even in this weird mind/heart control state he’s in right now-- and Cordelia did get everything she wanted, but not in the way she wanted it. Oh, my poor heart.

Matt Is In Love With Cordelia?

No way. No fucking way. We are NOT going through this again. I refuse. I will not have it. I can’t have this both-parabatai-in-love-with-one-girl dynamic again. My heart couldn’t handle it. Especially when one of them is Will’s fucking son. I can’t do that. History cannot repeat itself. 

Half of me thinks it will happen, half of me thinks it won’t. I think it will because Cassie would just love to torture us like that again, wouldn’t she? But the other half of me is considering the fact that Matt was said to be in love with Lucie earlier in the book; he had quite a heated conversation with her, one that demonstrated quite intense passion on his side (and I kinda shipped it a bit, yikes), and then suddenly, without explanation, he is over her? When did that happen? How? Is he just moving on from her because he thinks it is hopeless?I don’t know. Seems a bit suspicious. I just can’t help but think that Matt is flip flopping all over the place with his affections. Is that because he is just trying to find anyone to love him because it would fill the place in his heart that should be occupied with self-love (because he clearly doesn’t love himself)? Not that he shouldn’t/couldn’t truly be in love with Cordelia. Everyone should be in love with Cordelia, she’s amazing. I’m in love with her myself. 

I hope he finds happiness. And water. Lots of water, Matthew. 

Also, I can’t help but think…where does Clary come from? Red hair. Green eyes. A Fairchild. Cordelia has red hair. Matt has green eyes. He is a Fairchild. It makes sense that they would end up together and continue to Fairchild line because Charles is gay and I’m not sure if he would be able to adopt a child at this time, if he were to be in a same-sex relationship. But then again, Clary has ginger red hair. Cordelia is Persian and I feel like the red genes that come with that heritage are different from ginger red hair--more fiery and deep, less cinnamon and orangey. I don’t know. I’m just theorizing. 

Also also, Matt’s conversation with Magnus in which Magnus regards him as “as self-destructive as he is beautiful”? Oh, you mean my favourite character trope? Just kill me instead, Cassie. This commentary also supports why Magnus is so tender towards, and feels so tied to, the Fairchilds. I mean, it is adding up in my mind. The more I think about it, the more I think Cordelia x Matt can be endgame. I don’t know if I want it. I’m so scared to find out what happens next. 

Okay. I think that’s the end. I’m sure I’m going to have more points of discussion when we talk about specific characters tomorrow. I will because, although I didn’t get into it here, I have a ton to say about Cordelia and Grace and Matt specifically. I’m very excited to get into it. 

Anyway, if you made it to the end—wow. You’re a trooper. This thing is 8 pages long. 

Thank you for being here. I appreciate you so much, beyond words. Thank you.

Let me know what your favourite part of Chain of Gold was! Also please help me expand or debunk my current running theories! Do you agree with me? Disagree? Leave your discussion comments in the comments below! I’d be so happy to analyze this text with you.

See you in tomorrow's post! 

The Dark Artifices Character Analysis/Review | AKA My Ode To Julian Blackthorn

I have a lot to say, so let’s keep this introduction short.

Today, we’re going to be talking about the characters we are introduced to in The Dark Artifices by Cassandra Clare. Some of them we recognize from The Mortal Instruments, some of them are completely new, but all of them are interesting as Edom. 

We’ll be discussing them in order of my favourite to least favourite because this is first and foremost my ode to Julian Blackthorn and secondly a character analysis/review. Please note that this character analysis/review will NOT include cameo characters such as Clary, Jace, Izzy, Magnus, etc.  They have their own series in which they can be analyzed. That being said, if you’d like my thoughts on them, let me know and I can definitely write something up!

THIS IS YOUR OFFICIAL SPOILER WARNING. IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE DARK ARTIFICES YET AND WOULD LIKE TO AVOID SPOILERS, TURN BACK NOW OR FOREVER BE SPOILED. 

““You have a ruthless heart.””

Julian Blackthorn

Opinions about Julian Blackthorn do not seem to be as polarizing as I had thought. Instead, it seems like most people really dislike Julian. I am still trying to figure out why people feel this way or how the text leads them to believe that Julian is anything less than the most interesting, complex, and real character in this series. 

Allow me to make it loud and clear: I LOVE Julian Blackthorn and I think he is the most interesting character in this series. He needs to be protected at all costs (not that he needs the help). 

Let’s start with the most important thing about Julian, the thing that is pointed out and referred to most often: the fact that Julian has a “ruthless heart”, first acknowledged by Kieran Kingson in Lady of Midnight (I think). I’m not going to try to dispute this because it is true, he does have a ruthless heart, but I find that all of the best, most interesting, and most tragic people always do. 

Julian’s ruthless heart turns him into the person he has to be to survive. That means Julian is a liar. He uses his perceptiveness, his tact, and his brilliance to manipulate people and situations to suit his direct needs. He shows us time and time again, without aggression or violence, that he is not to be messed with and that he can (and will, if necessary) hurt you in ways that are worse than physical pain, ways that you may not even understand yourself. I mean, even Jace side-eyed Julian for a while, a bit disturbed by the levels of Julian’s darkness and the depths of his secrets. 

But what drives these actions and this keen ability, what’s caused him to learn all of these things, was love and a desperate need to protect his family. And Julian isn’t delusional, he doesn’t get carried away by his emotions when things start to go bad, so he understands that the only way to protect his family is ultimately to protect himself. As I said, he is brilliant and while he may not necessarily be our “anti-hero”, he certainly is a morally ambiguous character. 

Julian didn’t have a chance to be a child, to make mistakes and learn, grow up and change. He’s always had to be perfect, strong, providing, and careful. To do this all on his own for upwards of 5 years—that takes an enormous amount of self-sacrificing, unconditional, and all-encompassing love. And besides all of that, we can’t simply erase certain things that we learn about his character in the beginning of Lady Midnight such as how he is terribly goofy, artistic, and a funny boy when he is given the chance to breathe. 

Also, I love the fact that Julian comes from a long, proud line of Shadowhunters that aren’t really known for being particularly fantastic, heroic, wonderful, good people. The Blackthorns have always been a bit off in their own world, separated by thorns keeping their family in and everyone else out. I love this because we see Julian make friends, trust people, and allow people into his chosen family despite this and I just adore characters with dark history. 

Listen, I live and breathe these morally ambiguous, will move heaven and earth to protect the ones they love, type characters. I love the closed off characters that are deeply troubled and traumatized on the inside. I love them and I love Julian Blackthorn. I appreciate a character like him. 

And listen again and listen good: there is a reason that Julian’s parabatai rune is over his heart and that is because the thing that keeps him alive (his heart, aka Emma) is also the thing that is killing him (his heart aka EMMA and their parabatai bond).  

All in all, I identified with Julian more than I have ever identified with any other one of Cassandra Clare’s characters. Would I do pretty much everything Julian did almost to the tee? Yes. Was that a scary realization? Also yes.

Julian is a good person and a wonderful character and he doesn’t deserve all of the hate he gets. JUSTICE FOR JULIAN.

Also, Shadowhunter wikipedia or some website was trying to tell me that Julian is a Leo. Incorrect. That is not the facts. It can’t be. How can this boy be anything but a Gemini? I’m sorry, but Leo Julian just isn’t canon for me. 

““‘It is unusual,’ said Cristina, ‘for a revolution to call for fewer rights for people, not more.’””

Cristina Mendoza Rosales 

Cristina is my second favourite character in this book because I consider her to be hashtag goals. She’s knowledgeable, kind, forgiving, understanding, able to keep promises, prioritizes, beautiful, powerful, put together even in the worst of times, and an overall amazing role model even though she is a deeply anxious and troubled person. 

I don’t think we’ve gotten to the bottom of Cristina’s character. I mean, what’s up with her relationship with her mother? Where’s pops? What’s her familial relationship with faeries and why is it so mysterious? How exactly did she learn so much about faeries and did that ever get her in trouble? I don’t know but I’m excited to find out. 

Regardless, I love her and what I love most is the fact that I couldn’t help but fall in love with her. She’s a bit unassuming at first—we’re introduced to her and she’s nice enough, very friendly—but as the story progresses we see her overwhelming kindness, the heart that she wears on her sleeve: Her soul shatters at the thought of others in pain, at the thought of not being able to help others in pain. There was a passage, I believe in Lord of Shadows, that explained how Cristina broke down and wept when the Cold Peace was created because she knew this would mean endless torment for Downworlders, especially faeries. This only shows just how deep her compassion runs. 

Her compassion and kindness, however, cannot be mistaken for weakness. She is a very capable Shadowhunter and a very strong and powerful warrior. For someone as precise, organized, and put together as she is, I would expect no less. She proves this over and over again throughout the various battles fought throughout the trilogy and especially in Queen of Air and Darkness when we travel into Thule. In Thule, she is actually alive (and may I remind you that badass queen Izzy is not in this reality, which says a lot). She is not only alive but she is running an entire rebellion group from her Institute back in Mexico. Being able to do anything in the terrible landscape and reality of Thule is an accomplishment and I think that Cristina’s going above and beyond there is a testament to her incredible character. 

She truly is Mom ™. I adore her. I hope we get to see more of her in The Wicked Powers. 

Also, I thought it was cool how her English is very proper (which is consistent with her characters in two ways: first in that of course Perfect Cristina would learn perfect English and second in that it is her second language (the first being Spanish) and it may be difficult to pick up on slang/colloquialism/casual speaking practices etc.), which makes her sound a bit like a faerie sometimes. That was a cool way to tie her into that world. 

““‘Tell me,’ Kit said. Tell me what you need.””

Kit Rook/ Christopher Herondale

I knew his mother was going to be the Herondale and I’m happy I was right. I’m excited to learn more about female Herondales. 

Anyway, Kit is such a mysterious character. We really don’t know who exactly he is throughout all 3 of these books. Well, until the last 50 pages or so of Queen of Air and Darkness when Kit decides to really wreak some havoc on the Seven Riders, mess with their shit entirely, and pass out due to the awesomeness of it all (or strain… he probably passed out due to the strain). Only then do we discover that he’s a descendant of the First Heir (which I have so many questions about considering he is a Herondale) and is essentially a Very Powerful Lost Boy. 

Sudden thought: does this make him Ash’s foil? Is that what’s going to happen here?

I’m so excited to learn more about Kit in The Wicked Powers because I loved being in Kit’s head. Whenever his parts ended, I found myself searching for the next time we’d get his POV again. I think he was an incredibly realistic teenage character and I really felt for him considering his situation (being thrown into the Shadowhunter world as a Shadowhunter and not just a magician’s son without any prior notice). He was scared and confused and cautious but we always saw the rebellious, sarcastic, very Herondale part of him shining through it all. I loved it. 

Also, I want more Jace and Kit scenes, thank you. Also, if I don’t get a Kitty reunion and kiss in The Wicked Powers #1, Cassandra Clare will be hearing from my lawyers. 

And speaking of Kitty, can we just reflect on how seamlessly Clare foreshadowed the fact that Kit would be a crazy light-bringing faerie with this line: 

“Ah, Watson,” said Ty. “You may not yourself be luminous, but you are an extraordinary conductor of light.”

Man, hindsight really do be in 20/20. 

““‘Nobody calls me “blondie” and keeps their kneecaps.’””

Emma Carstairs

I really liked Emma. She’s a fun character and she really does balance Julian out nicely. She appears very naive at times, but she’s also sixteen or seventeen or something, so what else can we expect from her? I love how sure of herself she is and how dedicated she is to her goals whether that be finding and killing the person who killed her parents, protecting the Blackthorns, doing everything she can to avoid the parabatai curse, or becoming the best Shadowhunter of her generation. My favourite part about Emma is her ferocity, her girl power, and her deep love and friendship with Cristina Rosales. 

““There was beauty in the idea of freedom, but it was an illusion. Every human heart was chained by love.””

Mark Blackthorn (faerie name - Miach) 

I rooted for Mark so hard. I’ve been rooting for Mark since way back in City of Heavenly Fire (I think it was in that book, anyway—it has been too long since I’ve read TMI). I love him and I also think that if he were a real person, he would be almost painful to look at. Mark has a great capacity for love (clearly because he ends up in a thorple heyooo) and also a great capacity for resistance. He is good at resisting pain, willing it away with happy memories, positive outlooks, and hope in the future. I appreciate that as it is exactly the kind of outlook that I try to apply to my own life. This almost innocence around Mark makes his relationships with his siblings especially endearing, too, which I can also appreciate.

Although he didn’t turn out to be anything like I thought he would be (I thought he would be way darker, more mysterious, mischievous, and perhaps even untrustworthy due to the time he spent in Faerie), he turned out to be near the top of my favourite character list for TDA.

Since I don’t have time to discuss more characters in great length (I’m not trying to make this article seven pages long like yesterday’s), here is a Speed Round version of my thoughts on the rest of the characters: 

Kieran Hunter/Kingson - As I said in yesterday’s post: if you love a good redemption arc say “aye”. AYE. i love this boy. I also super love the fact that his hair changes colour—I mean, how sweet?!

Tiberius (Ty) Blackthorn - Genius, can’t wait for more of this boy, please talk to Kit—you’re killing me here.

Livia (Livvy) Blackthorn - Gone too early, lost too soon. Livvy made for the perfect emotional death though, as it really changed the game for everyone. Also, on Thule Livvy: That poor girl, suffering so much and yet remaining so strong. 

Diana Wrayburn - Queen. Get it, mama. I did have a couple moments where I didn’t trust her though, not going to lie.

Drusilla (Dru) Blackthorn - Julian called her “the heart of this [the Blackthorn] family”. She was the one that truly saved Emma and Julian and she hardly even got thanked. Justice for Dru!

Octavian (Tavvy) Blackthorn - Baby boy, can’t wait to see what he’s like when he’s older.

Diego Rosales - I didn’t like him and then I liked him and then I didn’t trust him then I trusted him and I was all over the place with this boy but my final conclusion is that I love him.

Jamie Rosales - Oh, I want more of him. Diego might be “the perfect one”, but Jamie’s the one with spice. Give me more. 

The Unseelie King - Yuck face, yuck person. Boy, bye, glad you’re dead. 

Malcolm Fade - Big stupid boy, very cool coloured eyes though. How cool would it be to have violet coloured eyes, for real?

And that’s all I have for today! This was super fun. I feel a lot better now that my ode to Julian is off my chest and on the internet. I just love Julian. I love him. Not in the same way I love Will, my actual husband (I won’t ever stop saying this), but I just love Julian. If he ever needs a new parabatai, I volunteer. 

Let me know your thoughts on these characters down below and definitely tell me who is your favourite! Can’t wait to find out!

Again, But Better by Christine Riccio | Spoiler Heavy Book Discussion

I’m back with more opinions about Again, But Better by Christine Riccio but this time, we’re going full spoiler mode. I really wish I took some notes that I could refer back to but unfortunately I didn’t. How foolish of me. 

Guess we’re going with whatever I think of off the top of my head. Let’s get started: 

Names

I might be part of the minority that actually really likes the names in this book. I mean Pilot? Babe? Atticus? Those are so cool. I love them. Pilot and Babe are my favourite, they’re so unique and weird and perfect for the YA contemporary scene. Everyone has weird names in YA novels, even contemporaries, and I really think Riccio chose her names perfectly.

How The Hell Is This Girl In Love In One Day?

Shane literally fell head over heels in love with Pilot the second she saw him through the window in her room. That’s so weird. I get seeing him and being attracted and subsequently walking up to him and asking him if he wants to go around town with you to explore (that’s what she said), but falling for him immediately was a bit extreme. Everything after spotting him through the window was just so hyperbolic that I couldn’t take it seriously until they had reached a part of the story where they have gotten to know each other and have developed a decent companionship. 

The second part of this lies in that Shane and Pilot almost kissed on the first day of being in London. If it was just like a casual hookup thing, fine, but it wasn’t. While I understand that Shane was a full-on virigin hermit with social anxiety to the max and would therefore not really mind being kissed by Super Cute Boy almost immediately, it was still really unrealistic. Pilot was clearly making moves on Shane and, due to the nature of the story, you can tell that he’s going to be endgame for her, but how are they already in love at this point? How do they even want to kiss when they’ve only known each other for less than 24 hours? How was she in love? How did she even like-like him yet? How?

Is this just me being cynical? I mean, I’ve always considered myself a romantic but damn. This is a bit much. Love at first sight just isn’t a thing. Prove me wrong.

Cheating

I feel like I have very unconventional views/opinions when it comes to relationships in comparison to most people, but one thing is for sure: If one party in a relationship isn’t cool with being open/doesn’t want the other messing around, the other party of said relationship is not to be messing around with other people. If that party has to lie to cover up their actions to their significant other, whatever it is they did is considered cheating (in my book anyway— not everyone is me though, which is why laying out ground rules and communicating your expectations in a relationship is key). I could go on and on about this, my personal code of ethics when it comes to “cheating”, but that’s neither here nor there at the moment. 

I’m talking about cheating because Pilot cheats on his girlfriend Amy pretty much until the moment she gets to Flat Three while visiting from America. That shit is not cool. So not cool. And you know what? Shane kept it up. She knew damn well that he had a girlfriend and she kept flirting and falling for him anyway. Up until Amy gets to the Flat, Pilot is going on romantic trips with Shane, leaning in for smooches, accompanying her everywhere she goes, etc. etc. etc. If Amy was cool with all of that, then we’d have no problems but the fact is that Amy was certainly NOT cool with that. Which means there are LOTS OF PROBLEMS. 

Now, wouldn’t it be easier, Pilot dear, if you just accepted your feelings for Shane, split with Amy, and be free to pursue Shane? It would’ve been, yes, but 2011 Pilot is too dull to realize that. And 2011 Shane is too scared to tell him how she feels so that he can make a decision, thereby giving herself closure way earlier in the plot. I get the reasoning for Shane dumbass-ery though: if that happened, we wouldn’t have a story, now would we?

That being said, the question begging to be answered is: the whole abroad “cheating” thing is realistic? Answer: Hell yeah it is. People cheat all the time and it is so easy when you’re fresh into a relationship just like Pilot and Amy (they had only been dating for 3 months by the time he gets to London). Half of me doesn’t blame Shane and Pilot for pursuing each other regardless of the Amy thing. How can you not talk to someone that pulls that hard at your heartstrings, thoughts, body (metaphorically), etc.? That’s impossible. I wouldn’t be able to ignore that pull. But here’s the thing: I would make sure that I’m not attached to anyone, bound to any mutual agreement of monogamy, so that I have the freedom to talk to others and be entranced by their charms. Scratch that. Edit: … so that I have the freedom to talk to others and entrance them with my charms. That’s better.

I’ve been reading a lot of reviews about how people hated the book because of this element of the story and while I agree, cheating is gross and Pilot pissed me off by not just growing up and breaking up with Amy and essentially ruining his life for it, this doesn’t make this a bad book. It’s a story. If it got you mad while reading it then it accomplished its goal, didn’t it?

Shane is Christine

Ok, clearly. And yeah, it sucked. I get writing what you know, but not writing what you are. That’s too much, dude. I mean, I’m a fan of the girl but inserting your whole being in a character so blatantly like that just cheapens the story.

Shane Primaveri In General

Shane annoyed me at first because she achieved her goal to be more outgoing in the most annoying, pushy way. On top of that, it was achieved almost instantaneously. I thought there was supposed to be a challenge for the main character to struggle through. Shane certainly didn’t struggle with making friends and, as an inexperienced friend-maker, that fact just didn’t line up with her character at all. 

That being said, 2017 Shane is great. She’s smart and successful and confident and happy with herself, generally. But she longs. I can understand that. Over the 6 year break in the text, she grew into a bolder person, just as Pilot says, and I appreciate that. She took the wheel of fate in her own hands, stopped chickening out for her parent’s sake, and when given the chance, steered herself in the direction she always wanted to go. Yeah, she could’ve been a lot more graceful with the endeavour but, I appreciate it nonetheless. It’s hard admitting your truth, what you really want, when you’re comfortable. Change is hard sometimes (and that’s coming from a Gemini). 

This was another point in many other reviews of this book that got people upset; they didn’t like the fact that Shane was still hung up on Pilot even after 6 years, even after moving on with a new man. But honestly, I think that’s one of the more realistic and relatable points in the story. Sometimes people carve out a unique place in your heart and when they leave, that place is always throbbing for their return. I know the feeling, definitely, so I can sympathize with Shane especially because this is just a story. The whole point of that sentiment is to inspire readers to not get themselves into a similar situation of emotional longing. This story is to encourage people to take chances and get what you want (but don’t cheat and don’t abuse people though, obviously) so you’re not left wondering about the possibilities of what your life could’ve looked like if you could have had it your way.

Yeah, Shane’s reaction to seeing Penn is extreme but I think that’s the point. It’s meant to tell readers to get their lives right the first time. And that’s why I like Shane; when she had the chance to do it again, she took it and did everything she wanted, including dropping the boy she went back for to go build a sick ass career for herself. I appreciate that.

Pilot Penn

Pilot “I’m bad at confrontation” Penn. Super huge eye roll. Just to comment on the whole cheating thing again: there’s no excuses for hurting someone’s feelings on a condition that you mutually agreed on. NONE. He really should’ve just broken up with Amy in the first place because honestly, who prioritizes a relationship of 3 months over potential oversea… “romances”… let's call it “romances”. Seriously. Come on. Use your head. 

Other than that, I liked how attentive he was to Shane. He listened to her and he retorted appropriately all the time. He was funny and always willing to go on an adventure, which are qualities that I can’t help loving.

The Songs

I hate that this entire story was centered around the Beatles. Everyone enjoys at least one Beatles song but oh my god, I really don't care about this band as a whole. Sue me. 

I get why Riccio used the Beatles to be their source of bonding though. It’s the only band that literally everyone knows and everyone can connect over easily. That and the fact that it’s also easy to make fun of the Beatles fans, which is very aligned with both Shane and Pilot’s tendency to be sarcastic and poke fun at each other. 

Also, there were way too many lyric insertions in the text. I really don’t need to know what lyric the character is singing especially if it is “doot doot doot” or “ahh ahh ahh” or whatever the heck was up in this book. Again, it cheapens the writing. Also, I felt like so many of the scenes where Shane was dancing in some club could’ve been shortened to one paragraph. This is high key why I am a firm believer in writing in silence. Don’t let your music get in the way of your work, it’s just a distraction. How can anyone write with music on? I just don’t understand. 

Also, also, I did go through the playlist Christine set up for this book. 

It sucks.

I’m sorry. I hate to yuck anyone’s yum but… ew. 

Missing Trains and Planes

This shit stressed me out so much. There were so many occasions in which characters would just ignore the fact that they PAID for plane or train tickets and just skip their ride. This angered me so much because those same characters would then complain that they were going broke. It’s also SO unrealistic. If I just casually skipped out on a trip to Edinburgh or Prague or whatever because “I was feeling ways about a boy”, the amount of guilt that would eat away at my soul would kill me. All of that money, all of that potential fun, down the drain.

But then again, I don’t have to worry about that. As if a boy and some dumb old feelings would ever stop me from going on a trip.

All The Cheese

I don’t think I could list all of the overly cheesy moments in this book so here are just a few examples that made me want to fly into the book, shake Shane/the character (but mostly Shane), and tell her to grow up a little: 

• Pasta comes in boxes and plastic. It is not that weird that the pasta in London was packaged in plastic. It’s not super eco-friendly, which would be a point I would’ve been interested to see her comment on, but it’s not weird. That whole scene in the grocery store was so American of her. And by American I mean stupid. 

• Professor Blackstairs. BLACK. STAIRS. Are you kidding me? This was the worst cheese of all, to be quite honest. It wasn’t necessary. Why did you do that, Christine? The two familial names Blackthorn and Carstairs (from The Shadowhunter Chronicles, if you are not aware) should be left ALONE. Do not tarnish them for your own fangirl sake. Please. It’s too much. Also I can’t have anything ruining those two families for me, okay? I just can’t. 

• “Shwednesdays”, a very Ru thing to say, but this had me concerned. If this was real life, I’d be suggesting some healthier eating patterns. Weekly shawarma just doesn’t sound like a good idea for the general gut region. I’m no gastroenterologist though. 

The Closure

I get it. I. Get. It. I get it so hard. When a person doesn’t get closure from a certain experience, when a chorus of “what if” and “maybe” is constantly sounding off in their head, I get how it is possible to go a bit crazy. I understood Shane’s need to get closure with Pilot, especially when she was freshly proposed to by super boring, super unromantic Melvin (ew). Marriage is the real deal, big commitment, and I can’t really blame her for trying to temper out an old flame to make sure that what she’s getting into really is what she wants. It’s sad, but I understand it. It was very real, to be honest. Sometimes you just get hooked on people, for Shane that was Pilot, and I can’t blame her for just going out and trying to find her happiness. 

The Ending 

I’m really happy with the ending because it all came full circle. I loved the way that Pilot proposed, actually, which is a surprise to me. I loved the way Shane split herself from Pilot to ensure that her dreams came true and to show the audience that you damn well don’t need a man and should never ever let one distract you from achieving something you want to achieve. It made his romantic gesture in Edinburgh that much more meaningful, it made their relationship that much more true (because he supported her and left her the fuck alone as she rebuilt herself and her priorities), and it made the resolution of the entire novel that much more sweet. Big fan. Of course, it makes me upset (as I mentioned in my last article), but still… big fan. 

Wow. The spoiler-filled review makes it seem like I didn’t like this book but that isn’t true. There was a lot that I took from this book that makes it important to me. I think the fact that I kinda learned something from this book and continue to reflect on it is the reason why I was able to get past all the less-good qualities of this book. I wasn’t there for the cheesy romance, I was there for the self-discovery. 

So yeah, you can tell that Again, But Better was Riccio’s debut novel, that she’s definitely a reader turned writer (which I guess all writers are, but I feel some writers are just born with a bit more… rhythm), but I still liked it. I’m really glad I read it.

Now that we’re safe for spoilers, leave me all your juicy spoiler-y stuff in the comments! What was your favourite part? What was your least favourite part? Do you like Shane or dislike Shane? How about Pilot? Is bagged pasta really that weird? 

Tell me. I’d love to know. 

Again, But Better by Christine Riccio Review | Book Review

I just finished this book a couple of hours ago. Within the time spent between closing the book and sitting down to write this review, I’ve done copious amounts of staring into space, willing back violent tsunamis of tears, and drinking emotional cocktails that are 2 parts sadness, 1 part hope… 

Let’s get into it. And don’t worry—this review is completely spoiler-free. 

---

I discovered Christine Riccio as XTINEMAY, the hostess of PolandBananaBOOKS on YouTube, during my early years in high school. Back then, she did exactly what she does now: review and discuss the books she reads. I was hooked. She’s a very eccentric, bubbly, and honestly, really weird person—constantly jumping around in her videos and breaking into strange accents—but I loved it. Finally, there was a place on the internet that I belonged, that I understood. 

Anyway, back to Riccio: She’s been on YouTube since 2010 (that’s a whole ten freaking years, which blows my mind) and fast forward to today, she’s got over 400K subscribers, has spoken on book festival panels, has published her first book (Again, But Better, what we’re here today to discuss), and is working on her second book tentatively titled Preferably Paired. [Side note: the hardcore alliteration that just happened there is like all of my dreams coming true. That shit gets me excited.]

When I heard that Again, But Better was to be released in the spring of 2019, 2019 Ru was all over it. I was so excited. I was so proud. I loved that someone who had just started a simple little YouTube channel to talk about her favourite things was getting such a big chance like this. I was happy to see her find the success that I one day dream to find. But, I dropped the ball. May 2019 was a little hectic for me so I forgot about this release.

That was, of course, until last week when I was scrolling along on the Book Outlet website.

Again, But Better, the BESTSELLER (sending out a HUGE, well-earned congrats to you, Christine, not that you’d ever find yourself reading this) was sitting on the homepage begging to be put in my cart at a bargain price of $8.88. It took no further convincing. I plopped a couple other books in there (because I am insatiable) and I checked out in seconds. It arrived a week later and I devoured it in 2 days. 

To break it down, the story is about a girl named Shane who travels to London to study abroad. The catch is, back in New York where she studies at YU, she’s a premed student and her track in London is for creative writing. Back home, she’s supported by a family that is very anti-creative industry (you know, due to the lack of financial stability thing), so when she leaves for London, she pretty much boards the Lie-Express, which as you can imagine, leads to some complications later on in the book. The whole point of her trip is to experience university and university life all over again, change her life around and be the person she wants to be, not the scared, timid, friendless person that she boards the plane as. When she gets to London, she meets her flat-mates, adventures of both the traveling and romantic variety ensue, and then… she leaves. 6 years go by and we see her in the future, but at that point, is she the person she wanted to be when she got to London? And can she change that? 

To be honest, I didn’t like this novel at all at first. I really liked the main character, Shane, right from the start, which is impressive, but I found the writing to be a bit strange. Short sentences. Super nerdy (something I’m quite acquainted with). Onomatopoeia that just wouldn’t leave a real human’s mouth in real life. It took me out of the story for a bit and didn’t entice me. 

Selfishly, I felt really good about this. I thought to myself, okay, this is good. This is good because if she could get picked up for this “okay” story, with all its flaws and sub-par-ness, then I can do it too. 

Yeah. Yeah, I’m that terrible of a person sometimes. 

Before we get into the meat of the review, I just want to say a couple of things very point-blank: 

1. I’m sorry to have let that thought enter and swim around in my brain for even a second. What a terrible, terrible way to think. 

2. I very soon after ate my initial thoughts, which I deserved. “Sub-par” is not an accurate descriptor for this book.

3. My/Your ambition should never be clouded by the success of others. 

4. I seriously think that Christine is so cool and really admire her and I watched 2 of her Shadowhunter related videos before sitting down to write this. 

5. I am very overwhelmed by this combination of feelings. 

Overall, this book was good. Really good, actually. Unexpectedly good in that it actually physically hurt me at times. There were plenty of moments in which I had to put it down and pace around my room because I felt like something was going to happen and I really, really didn’t want it to happen or the content (mostly the stuff about regret) was so relatable that I felt personally attacked. 

I mean...
The drama.
The intrigue.
The suspense.
The mysterious red-haired woman. 
The relationships.
The dynamics.
The honesty.
The personal turmoil.
The traveling (the multiple forms of traveling).
The references. 

It was all wonderful. It felt so real. And here’s why:

“I expel the giant breath I’ve been very aware of holding for the past thirty seconds.”

— Christine Riccio

^ amazing. seriously incredible.
one of my favourite parts.
(if you’re an avid YA reader, you know why)

PART 1 - 2011: 

We fall right into this story and are expected to keep up with it’s already dazzling pace. There’s no build, no set up, which was kinda “meh”. It was just like being thrown onto a treadmill set to 10 and sprinting to keep up with all the information and all of the strange personality traits being introduced to us. This is great in terms of getting the story going, getting right to the good stuff, but a bit unrealistic in the romance department. I mean, a romance with intention starting in the first 10 pages of the book? Yeah, that doesn’t happen in real life. 

The story never loses this momentum though, which I enjoyed, and we’re thrown into some pretty intense and very real topics and dynamics and character relationships such as:

• Shane and her very loud, borderline aggressive parents AKA what it’s like to know your family is intense, love them still, but not communicate that to others without insinuating that they’re abusive

• What it’s like to have parents who don’t support your dream career path because “the arts aren’t stable”

• Lying to your parents and feeling guilty for it, even when you’re older

• Entering university without even having held hands with a person you liked, much less having been being kissed or having had sex 

• Feeling unpretty without makeup (yes… “unpretty” not “ugly”, there’s a difference)

• Dramatic feelings about ravioli 

Everything in Part 1 builds and builds and you want things to happen so badly, you want Shane to achieve her dreams and cross off all the things on her list, that you want to go in there and rattle her around and tell her to get her head in the game. And it’s glorious and frustrating and suspenseful. Riccio builds it all out very, very well.  It made me crazy and made me stay up until the birds started singing outside my window. Because I. Am. Insatiable. 

Some dislikes very quickly:

• super cheesy at times

• the lyric chapter titles made me want to bash my head against a wall

• very unrealistic dialogue at times

• writing at times was totally bland, not descriptive, “tell not show”-y at the very beginning. It gets better in Part 2 when you can tell that she is more excited about the story
  

“I can’t choose us because I need to choose me.”

— Christine Riccio

Part 2 - 2017:

And then 6 years go by and we only get glimpses of what happened in between the end of Part 1 and the station of life Shane is in in Part 2. I had no idea such a dramatic time jump would take place in this book, so quickly, especially when I felt so unresolved in Part 1. 

And so, I’m reading Part 2 like an angsty teenager practically yelling at my book because I was so frustrated and sick and tired of the suspense. I wanted resolution. I wanted it immediately. 

And then I got it. And then it was taken away from me. And then I got it, but only in part, and more frustration and irritation bubbled up inside of me because here’s the thing: If Shane couldn’t figure out her shit, in her fictional, perfect world, how the HELL am I supposed to? Selfish thoughts. 

I’ll leave my thoughts there because I don’t want to give it away. I hope what I’ve said though is enough to communicate how passionate I was about finding resolution in this story and how deeply invested I was in this story, these characters (or rather, just 2 or 3). 

So yeah, I loved it. I really, really loved it and yet… I am so mad. 

In the acknowledgements of this book, Riccio claims that she wrote this book because it was the book that she needed when she was in her first years of university; reading about a 20 year old virgin that always has her nose-in-a-book, is socially awkward, entirely ruled by parental expectations, and generally afraid of pursuing the things they love and want the most would’ve been helpful for her. 

In lots of ways, it would’ve been helpful for me, too. I wish I read a book about a character that turned her life around and actually did university in an engaging way, wasn’t afraid to start group conversations, go out with people other than the ones she’s known since elementary school, and was still a nerd deep down in her soul. Yeah, that would’ve been nice to have. 

But now that we do have a story like that, and now that I’ve read it, I can’t help but feel sad. Unlike Shane, I cannot do my life over again, but better. I can’t send the texts I drafted out on my phone, I can’t un-take those trips, I can’t slap myself in the face and say “wake up, Ru. FOCUS. Don’t lose sight of what’s really important here—YOU.” I can’t do that. I just had to keep living my life and learn the hard way, wishing all the while that I could take back the time I wasted on things I knew were going to destroy me, pull me from my path, and waste my time (which, if you know me, is one of my biggest pet peeves). Yeah, sure, we all have to go through that type of shit to be better, to build character, to toughen up and I am and I have and I did, but if I could do it all again… I would. In a heartbeat. No questions asked. 

So now I’m left in a flurry of emotions. Overwhelmed with thoughts about my own life and pursuits, elated at the absolutely magical and loaded story I just read, and purely inspired. I’m so inspired. I’m inspired by Shane to keep going after what I want and to take more chances even if I’m scared and I’m inspired by Christine who did it. She got published. She has a real book with her freaking name on the cover. My dream. The only dream of my soul, the one thing I want more than anything else in the world. Selfish thoughts. Are we all picking up on a theme here? I am very, very sorry. 

If this story interests you at all, even just a little bit, pick up this book. Even if you dislike the beginning, keep going (not that you would, I just have my own tastes, which I am allowed to have). It’s really worth the read. And also, support writers and artists, especially the smaller ones. Just do it. It’s hard out here, you know?

Again, congrats. 

Again, well done. 

Again, this book is sitting on a shelf among some of my other favourite, incredibly inspiring reads and I am so happy for it to be there.  

Also, thank you for reminding me about all of the reasons why I need to go back to Edinburgh. And also setting unattainable levels of romance “moves” that I would like bestowed unto me while traveling throughout Edinburgh. Can’t wait to hold all of my future trips to that very high and achievable standard. Ah, fiction. You make my heart sing. 

If you’ve read this book and you’d like to discuss, please leave your thoughts in the comments. I would love, love, love, LOVE to discuss with you. I’m very, very high off this book right now and it’s very difficult as an intense fangirl to sit here and not expel my love of this thing to the masses. 

If you’re interested in a heavy spoiler book discussion (which, honestly, I’m probably going to do anyway), also let me know in the comments. I have lots of opinions to spew, comments to make, jokes to highlight.

See you soon. Virtually, of course. Stay social distancing.

Write About Something Happy

“Why don’t you write anything happy?”

Always the same question over and over and over again. 

She sat with her back to the small window on the far side of the room. The sunset behind her cast a faint orange light around her dusty brown hair. Like a halo, if her face wasn’t cast in shadow and weighed down with grief. Or something that looked like grief. Like she was mourning. 

I took a long look at her. I always look at her as if she could vanish at any moment and slip away from me forever. Because she can and I know, somehow, that she will. It’s only a matter of time. 

The seconds rolled away into minutes into hours. I sat there for days, weeks, months, staring at her face, at the deep line that began to form in the center of her forehead. My throat hurt when I answered her. 

“It’s just better this way,” I tell her, plastering on the smile I’ve seen myself make in the mirror. The shape is familiar but it does nothing to comfort her. 

“I’m doing my best,” I say. I stretch out my hands to her, through her. “I’ll do better.”

---

Who is the girl?
Who is the narrator?
What is their relationship?
Why is she sad?
Is she sad?
How long have they known each other?
Where is she now?
What sparked this conversation?
What does the narrator write about?
Why would it be sad?
Is it sad?
What happened next?

What influenced your choices?

How do you know?

Answer in the comments in the comments below or via email me if you want it to be our little secret. Maybe we can make up a story. I have my own, but it would be interesting to see everyone’s unique thoughts.

Just an impromptu little thing to get your minds working in a different way. Unless you do this everyday, of course.

What I'm Reading In April | Quarantine Edition

Due to the current global pandemic situation thing—you know, COVID-19—I will be reverting back to my old, ambitious, chaotic self. In stark contrast to the methods I applied to last month’s TBR, which was to assign myself a small number of books and hope that the lack of pressure allows me to surpass my small goal, I will be endeavouring to read more books this month than I have ever endeavoured to read in a month before. And not only are there more books, but there are more pages to these books. Most of these books aren’t books at all but rather giant, monstrous texts (literally) that can easily be mistaken for a brick or other large, heavy, rectangular object. A more utilitarian object than magical storytelling device that holds all the wisdom of the world.

Hmm.

Here’s what I’ll be reading this month:

Lady Midnight by Cassandra Clare

Okay. I already read this. I blasted through this 668 page monster of a book in 2 days this past weekend because I am 1) insane and 2) insatiable when the names “Carstairs” and “Herondale” are mentioned in my presence. I had a lot of fun with it, as I do most Shadowhunter stories, however, this story did not turn out to be anything like I imagined it would. I suppose I like it more for it.

Find my “mini review w ru!!!” over on my Instagram stories @ruthhvalente  under “READS”

this cover sucks so bad. all the Shadowhunter covers suck so so bad but this one especially. doesn’t matter though, I know the book is going to be amazing.

Lord of Shadows by Cassandra Clare

I am hoping to finish this book as quickly as I did its predecessor, Lady Midnight. I would feel so accomplished and satisfied if I did. Regardless, even though this is an extremely daunting read due to its size (pretty sure this one is 699 pages), I’m super excited to tackle it. I’m really interested in where this story is heading and all the characters that I know will intersect in new interesting ways. As I write this, I am beginning to feel extremely restless and anxious to finish because I just want to get back to this book so I can get more information about my beloved Carstairs and Herondale families.

Queen of Air & Darkness by Cassandra Clare

As the last book in The Dark Artifices trilogy (the other 2 listed above), I am obviously very excited to read this book. As I have only just read the first book, I have no clue what is waiting for me in Queen of Air & Darkness. It is the mystery that beckons me forth, always. 

but this… this cover… it is the worst of all.

Imagine Me by Tahereh Mafi

Okay. I already read this too, although my plan was to have it finished a long, long time ago. Here’s what happened: Essentially, I ordered this book about a week in advance of its publication because I wanted to make sure I could have it day of, finish it day of, and have my review up for it the day after. Unfortunately, due to COVID-19 and the shit storm that we find ourselves in because of it, I ended up receiving my package with this book 8 days after the delivery date. I can’t blame anyone for this, nor would I even we weren’t in a global pandemic (I’m not Karen here to speak to your manager, don’t have time for that); I’m just grateful that my package did arrive at some point and that our essential workers are showing up for people, still doing their jobs so that everyone can be provided for and remain safe. My package didn’t carry anything essential or life-saving, but I’m sure many others do, so I’m grateful. 

Grateful. That word reminds me of the best part of Imagine Me, of the entire Shatter Me series if I’m being honest: Kenji Kishimoto. KENJI KISHIMOTO: A character that everyone should aspire to be like. I love him. I love him. I love him so much. Truly a gem, a heart of gold, never appreciated the way he should be. I love him. 

Also, Tahereh Mafi is highkey a queen. Queen of my heart. She lives my dream. I respect her so much.

Find my “mini review w ru!!!” on my Instagram Stories @ruthhvalente under “READS”

The Twits by Roald Dhal

Okay. I already read this too. Guys, I’m seriously on a roll. This one is a bit of a cop-out though because it was maybe 50 pages total, had pictures in it, and was written for children. Not that I mind. I love pictures and love kids lit (one of my great passions). Anyway, I did enjoy this book, but it is far from the greatness that Dhal achieved in Matilda. Far. 

Find my “mini review w ru!!!” on my Instagram Stories @ruthhvalente under “READS”

Danny The Champion of The World by Roald Dhal

This was not originally on my April TBR. After I posted my mini-review about The Twits, I got a request from my dear friend Daniel, one of the hosts of The Movie Podcast (which I guest-spoke on last week—super fun, an absolute pleasure, totally knocked something off my bucket list), and how could I possibly ignore a request from my dear friend Daniel? Since this book is pretty short, definitely readable in one sitting, I threw it into the good ol’ April TBR because well—what else am I going to do to occupy my time during quarantine?  

Have a listen to The Movie Podcast here.

I’m on the episode called “Tiger King is Absolute Madness, Wonder Woman 1984 Gets Pushed, and More Special Guests”. I talk about my blog, how the future inevitable recession is going to affect movie theatres, and Steven Universe! 

Also, just listen to their podcast in general. They’re really passionate and educated guys with tons of knowledge on the movie industry. They are the only reason I don’t sound like a total buffoon when people try to talk to me about the latest blockbuster. I only sound like half a buffoon now. 

Max The Mighty by Rodman Philbrick

I should’ve read this book a long time ago. I should’ve read this book after Freak The Mighty broke my heart and slaughtered my soul back in the 8th grade. I don’t know why I haven’t. Perhaps this is one of those stories that I let slide through my fingers because I knew I wasn’t ready for it at the time, knew that if I had read it back then I wouldn’t’ve been able to appreciate its greatness. I hope that is the case. I really don’t want this to disappoint me. That being said: I cannot wait to read this book. 

Son by Lois Lowry

This is another book that I should’ve read a long time ago. And I did. I started it anyway, but I must’ve been really bored with it because I remember stopping 1/3 of the way through. I never do that—I never stop mid-read—so that says something.

I’m going to attempt this book again because every time I see it on my TBR shelf, I get upset that I abandoned it. I feel like that act disrespects this book’s prequel, The Giver, which I absolutely love and adore with all my heart. I think that The Giver is a book that everyone should read, especially during the formative years of childhood. I hope that Son gives me this same feeling. Something horrible in me tells me that it won’t. 

And that’s it for this month, folks. 8 books. 3 down, 5 more to go. Will I be able to do it? Can I possibly? I think so. My schedule is lighter than it has ever been in the past 2 years of my life so I think I’ll be able to tackle this list and perhaps a couple more. I’ve got a whole 22 days to do it. 

See you at the end of it. 

Stay safe, sanitized, and HOME. 

Lover, I Love You

Lover, I love you
Just like the sky is blue
Simplicity in knowing that
I have a lover like you

Lover, I love you
Like dusk falling on day
You are the constant in my mind
Lighting up my way

Lover, I will love you
Until all my days are through
Because lover, I am nothing
If I am not with you